THIS STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENED:
Trump ratings bomb. You can now watch President Trump and his various minions doing the people’s business 24/7. Except nobody wants to.
Trump launched “Trump TV: The Essentials Station” on September 21, after he banned several news organizations from the White House press pool. Trump’s assumption seems to be that Americans would rather watch a stream of disorganized bloviation instead of crisply packaged news with context and explanatory material. A Washington Post reporter watched Trump TV for 24 hours and provided this review: “It not only lacks the polish of news professionals, it is also missing the pageantry of an authoritarian state-run news network.”
I checked it out around 2 pm on a weekday and there were 530 people watching a rerun of Trump participating in a signing ceremony on January 14, 2026. A signing ceremony for what? It didn’t say. But there was a jug of milk on the desk, so maybe it had something to do with dairy farmers. You can catch Trump TV here if you have already cleaned every closet in your house, you have no friends and nothing to do, an electromagnetic pulse has knocked out every other channel, and there’s not a thing in the house to read.
[Check out The Weekly Matterboard, Drone-Launching Triumphal Arch edition]
Socialism rising. Capitalism has a huge branding problem. Though it is far superior to socialism, a lot of people don’t know that and are rooting for the wrong team. A Gallup survey just found that 43% of Americans have a positive view of socialism, the highest level in polling that dates to 2010. Capitalism does better, with 55% approval, but this should be a rout, not a tight race.
We think there’s confusion over the word “socialism,” which connotes authoritarianism to older people but is more like capitalism-lite to younger Americans. After all, anybody who remembers the gloomy, despotic USSR knows it was the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. But younger folks see capitalism as a rigged system where Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg control everything and ordinary people just do what they say. They’re not completely wrong, given the recent rise of the American oligarchy.
But there’s a lot of confusion, even in the survey itself. Americans strongly approve of “small business” and “free enterprise,” for instance—but you can’t have either without capitalism. So which is it, people? We’ll have more reporting on this topic soon, because what people really seem to want is what you might call social capitalism, or capitalism that makes all of society better. We’ll be offering some ideas on what that might look like.
[The Weekly WTF: Gas is a bargain, and other Trump knee-slappers]
Politician held accountable! New Jersey’s Lt. Gov., Dale Caldwell, resigned on September 25 after an investigation found evidence of sexual harassment and other problems. Caldwell denied the allegations, but finally stepped down after the state’s governor and other top officials said he should go. It’s quite astounding. We’ve grown accustomed to corrupt officials staying in office forever and even getting reelected. Something strange is happening in New Jersey.
Love him! Your taxpayer dollars are paying for a 30-second Trump political ad that’s been airing on Fox News and Newsmax. The ad features Trump railing against communism and Marxism, with lists of Trump’s imagined accomplishments flashing on the screen (“reigniting American manufacturing”). “Love Me” by JMSN plays in the background. This would all be fine, except at the end, the ad’s mandatory disclosure statement says, “paid for by the US government.”
That’s probably illegal. Federal law bars the use of government resources for political campaigns. A Trump spokesmodel said it can’t be a political ad because Trump isn’t running in 2026. That’s hokum, given that Trump has a direct stake in the outcome of the midterm elections, which will in large measure be a referendum on Trump himself. Oh, and JMSN said he didn’t authorize the use of his song in the ad, and wouldn’t have if asked. He might sue. Some ad.
Cocaine finds a way. Blowing up boats might be Pete Hegseth’s idea of a good time, but it hasn’t done much to stem the cocaine trade, according to reporting by the Washington Post. Operation Southern Spear, as it’s known, began last year and has so far involved the aerial bombardment of at least 79 boats in the Caribbean and Eastern Pacific, killing at least 234. This was supposed to scare drug traffickers away.
It didn’t. Government studies found that those attacks haven’t reduced the supply of cocaine entering the United States, according to the Post. Prices have remained steady, another sign of robust supply. Drug traffickers have changed tactics, moving away from the fast boats US forces have been blowing up on open water, and shipping more drugs via commercial ships and routes closer to the coastline.
[5 things to expect if Democrats win in November]
You could argue, well, if the US boat attacks are forcing cartels to change tactics, then maybe they’re worthwhile. Except that human rights activists say they could be war crimes because they target noncombatants. Plus, those attacks have probably killed innocents with no connection to drug cartels who were targeted by mistake. The four-star admiral who was in charge of the region when the Spear campaign began resigned last December, reportedly because he had concerns about the legality of the whole campaign.
A principled strategy would be, when in doubt, don’t kill people. The Pentagon seems to have the opposite ethos.
Forsaking Dolly. Just one month after music legend Dolly Parton died, there’s an ugly dispute over—what else?—her money. Parton had no kids and her husband died last year. Her estate is worth around $450 million. Her nephew Bryan Seaver, long her head of security, has reportedly made some aggressive moves to corner a chunk of that money. Parton’s manager, Danny Nozell, fired Seaver shortly after Parton died, claiming some sort of shakedown effort. There’s a lawsuit and there may be a trial.
Humanity never fails to disappoint. Dolly Parton was a creative genius and a national treasure. Most others are neither.
[How to profit from rising interest rates]
So that’s why you didn’t get the job! Your coffee says a lot about you—especially at a job interview. Somebody on TikTok started complaining about young job applicants bringing iced coffee to job interviews. What’s wrong with it? The plastic cup might dribble. The straw might slurp. Your hand might be clammy from holding it. You might seem like you care more about the coffee than the job. It’s informal, like sandals. Disrespectful!
Of course, there’s an alternate view, which is: Get a life, corporate prigs. The debate has now blossomed into a media frenzy in which everybody has an opinion. The Wall Street Journal helpfully explained that this is really a proxy battle pitting corporate fossils against young upstarts who have no respect for their elders or the Proven Ways.
Here’s an idea: Pour your iced coffee into one of the four dozen lidded tumblers everybody seems to have in the cupboard these days. Stick a napkin in your pocket in case of emergency. And if you actually know of an open job, be smart and keep it to yourself.
Enjoy a cartoon.
You can order this cartoon👆 and play cartoon-themed puzzles and word games at CartoonStock.com.
Sometimes--well often, I have to say--I'm confused?--there are other adjectives that might be better but I have a busy day ahead--by behaviors that are prominent in today's "phone brain" culture. You would actually bring any food or beverage to a job interview? What?