The Weekly WTF: Imaginary presents from Iran

Plus, Trump sends in a rigged vote in Florida, and the real perks airlines should offer members of Congress😄

This stuff actually happened:

Trojan tankers. President Trump said Iran gave the United States a “present” by allowing 10 oil tankers registered in Pakistan to pass through the Strait of Hormuz so they can eventually deliver their cargo to customers.

You might be thinking: How nice! Where do I go to claim some Pakistani oil?! I don’t need a whole tanker, but a few barrels of oil might hold me over for a month or two until the war’s over.

Well, Trump hasn’t told Americans how to claim their oil just yet, and it’s possible that Iran didn’t really give America any gift at all, but just let some ships from a friendly nation sail through the strait, as it has been doing in recent weeks. Iran may also be charging “tolls” as high as $2 million per ship, and therefore profiting handsomely from the presents Trump thinks he’s getting.

It’s possible the Iranians are pranking Trump and there’s nobody in his administration smart enough to figure it out. It’s possible that an aide told Trump the Iranians gave him a present, because Trump was in a bad mood and needed something to cheer him up. It’s possible Trump doesn’t even remember that he started a war with Iran and is regressing to a childlike state in which he imagines every day is Christmas morning.

[See when the Hormuz Strait might actually open]

But presents from Iran? If you ever get one, check it for booby traps.

Aya-told-you-so. If you want to know how the Iran-war ceasefire negotiations are going, you’ll get a straighter answer from the extremist ayatollahs in Tehran than from the president of the United States. Trump has constructed an alternate reality in which Iran is “begging” for an end to the war, which keeps not ending because …? Iran, meanwhile, says there are no peace talks, with one regime mouthpiece mocking Trump for “negotiating with yourself.”

Whom to believe? Well, Trump is obviously deploying that old huckster tactic, fake it till everybody knows you’re bullshitting. Iranian spokesterrorists seem more trustworthy at this point.

How do we know? Because of what we can see with our own eyes: Iran’s strategy of causing financial pain and political turmoil for their American enemy seems to be working, as US gasoline prices close in on $4 per gallon, inflation worsens, stocks tank, interest rates spike and Trump looks like an idiot. If the Iranians presented any opening for a deal at this point, Trump would jump at it. Trump’s peace negotiations are as imaginary as gifts from Iran.

[Are you better off than you were one year ago? Our Better-Off Index has the answer]

Rigged! Trump used a mail-in ballot this week to vote in a Florida House race in the district that includes his Mar-a-Lago residence. If this sounds fishy, it might be because Trump has railed against mail-in voting for years, calling it “cheating” and “a disaster.” He’s pushing hard for Congress to pass a voter-suppression law called the SAVE Act that would sharply restrict mail-in voting. (The SAVE Act doesn’t have the votes and won’t pass, as we told you recently.)

So why would Trump vote in this dubious method himself? “Because I’m president.” That’s literally how he explained himself. Trump gets special privileges, see, like a king. Mail-in for me, not for thee.

[Check out the outlook for stocks one the Iran war is over]

Oh, Trump’s preferred Republican candidate lost. Trump won the district by 11 percentage points in 2024, but Democrat Emily Gregory beat Trump’s guy by 2.4 points, for a 13-point swing away from Trump in his own voting district. Gregory ran on affordability and vows to do something about $4 gas (caused by Trump’s war!).

Back of the line. Delta Air Lines suspended a VIP program for members of Congress due to the obscene congressional funding impasse for TSA agents that has snarled airports across the country. The VIP service includes airport escorts, expedited screening, a dedicated customer-service line and other perks.

Once Congress finally gets around to paying TSA agents, here’s the new special program Delta and all the airlines should institute for members of Congress: Last boarding group, middle seats only, no carry-on bags, and special seating areas in the terminal where other passengers can throw fruit at them. If they want to complain, let them mail a letter to company HQ.

My fellow Americans, our country is a mess. Here’s a cartoon to make you feel better:

Cartoon by Bruce Kaplan

You can order cartoons by this artist👆 or merch featuring the cartoons at CartoonStock. And you should!