The Weekly WTF: To hell with affordability

Plus, a booze test for the FBI director and the merits of a potato taco

THIS STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENED:

No price is too high. When running for president in 2024, Donald Trump promised, “I will immediately bring prices down, starting on day one.”

Maybe he meant, starting on day one and ending a few days later? Like a temporary sale, rather than everyday low prices?

That’s basically what has happened. Inflation bottomed out more than a year ago and is now roaring again, thanks to Trump’s war with Iran and his taxes on imports. And high prices no longer bother Trump, now that he’s president.

“I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation,” Trump said in front of the news cameras on May 12, when a reporter asked if soaring prices affected his peace negotiations with Iran. “I don’t think about anybody,” he stressed. “Not even a little bit.”

Trump was trying to make the point that his only priority in dealing with Iran is to stop its nuclear weapons program. You might be wondering, didn’t President Obama have a plan to stop Iran from getting the bomb?

[Inflation would be tamed, if not for Trump]

Yes, he did! Under the 2015 Obama deal, Iran agreed to dismantle its nuclear weapons program and let international inspectors monitor the progress. Trump canceled the program in 2018. Only since then has Iran been stockpiling bomb-grade uranium, as the New York Times recently explained.

If Trump hadn’t canceled the Obama deal, Iran wouldn’t be building atomic weapons, which means there would be no 2026 Iran war and no 2026 Trump energy crisis. Trump still wouldn’t care about voters, but it would be less infuriating if gas prices were still $3 per gallon and there was no new inflation outbreak.

Instead, we have gas at $4.50, and maybe heading to $5. Higher costs for transportation and production will soon send the price of groceries and many other things higher. Nothing to worry about here.

Fertile imagination. Here’s a challenge for Hallmark: Design a greeting card for Fertility Father’s Day. Of course, it would have to feature Trump’s likeness.

At a May 11 White House event focused on maternal health care, Trump called himself “the father of fertility.” If you didn’t know the context, what would you think? Even in context, what do you think? Is Trump bragging about his sperm count? Does he compare his sperm count with Joe Biden’s?

Maybe, but Trump says he is the father of fertility because he signed an executive order giving health insurers the option to cover the cost of IVF, the expensive fertilization procedure for couples with difficulty conceiving. Trump has been thinking about his fertilization legacy for a while. In 2024, he called himself “the father of IVF” because he planned to sign legislation making it a covered insurance benefit. Earlier this year, he dubbed himself the “fertilization president.”

But the order won’t do much. There’s no federal money to help pay for IVF, and insurers aren’t required to cover it, just encouraged to do so. Maybe Trump should don his Jesus smock and perform some immaculate conceptions.

Petty Ka$h. The wonderful Kentucky bourbon Woodford Reserve has an unfortunate problem with the FBI. Director Kash Patel, who seems to be a problem drinker, apparently gives out personalized 750-millimeter bottles engraved with his name and title, according to the Atlantic. Sometimes Patel signs the bottles, using the charming spelling he prefers: Ka$h. It’s a pretty weird branding mashup, given that the FBI doesn’t make bourbon or have a stake in any liquor company.

[Nobody’s fixing anything 😡]

People on social media are calling for a boycott of Woodford. That seems unfair. Brands don’t need to be punished just because jerks like them. Should Trump foes boycott Diet Coke and Heinz ketchup because they’re Trump staples? Nah. Leave Woodford alone, unless it turns out they’re giving Patel free bourbon or dishing secret dirt on Jack Daniel’s.

Patel is a problem child. The Atlantic previously reported that Patel is a heavy drinker who sometimes misses meetings without explanation and has other hallmarks of an alcoholic. Leaks like this usually happen because a dogged reporter finds a source who really wants to dump on the target. The Atlantic seems to have found many. Patel has upended the FBI and fired a lot of agents far more qualified than he is, no doubt earning the ire of many expert leakers. Some are shivving him now.

Patel is such a snowflake that he sued the Atlantic for $250 million. That’s a show lawsuit that won’t go anywhere, and if it did, would involve a discovery phase likely to turn up more Patel embarrassments. Patel has also reportedly ordered an investigation to find out who’s leaking to the Atlantic. Trump might fire him before any of this gets anywhere. Trump doesn’t care that his aides are incompetent, but he does care if they embarrass him. Patel may be too shabby even for Trump.

There’s one more farcical tidbit. During Senate testimony on May 12, Democratic Sen. Chris Van Hollen of Maryland asked Patel to take an alcohol disorder test. Patel basically said, I will if you will. So Van Hollen took the test and posted the results on social media on May 13. He’s pretty dull, reporting just 3 drinks per week. So now Patel gets to report on his own drinking habits. If he can’t remember, maybe some FBI agents could help him reconstruct the details.

Senate slaps its own wrist. The Senate passed a measure on May 14 that will halt its pay if the government shuts down, starting once the midterm elections are over in November. Good start, but it should go further.

[5 things to know about this year’s midterm elections]

The rule restores full back pay once the shutdown is over. Nope. Members of Congress should forfeit pay for every day they shut down the government, like professional athletes who lose their pay when they get suspended for an infraction. And the House should adopt a similar rule, so that the people responsible for shutting down the government pay for it.

James Tacorico. Texas is abuzz over James Talarico’s lunch order at the Taco Joint in Austin on May 12. Talarico is the Democrat with a fighting chance of flipping a Texas Senate seat in this year’s election. Barack Obama paid him a visit, and while campaigning, the two stopped in for a bite, with a news throng in tow.

Obama ordered one steak and one chicken taco. Normal.

Talarico ordered two potato, egg and cheese tacos. Questions arose.

Greg Abbott, the Republican governor, said it was evidence that Talarico was a closet vegetarian, as if that would be a mortal sin against cattle ranchers. A taco podcast debated eggs for lunch. (Easy answer: Yes) The taco editor at Texas Monthly told the New York Times that both the establishment and the order were good choices for a candidate trying to appeal to moderates and centrists.

Hot sauce is still okay, right?