The Weekly WTF: Those nettlesome seashells

Plus Kimmel laughs last, a new role for Don Jr.😁, and the end 😉of the Iran war

THIS STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENED:

86 Comey. President Trump’s henchmen at the Justice Dept. indicted former FBI director James Comey for a second time over some seashells he photographed on a beach last year. The case will undoubtedly fail a second time. This is an absurd abuse of power that would be laughable if—well, it is laughable. But it’s also grotesque.

Last year, Comey posted a picture on social media of shells on a beach arranged to form the numbers “86 47.” 86 is slang for get rid of. The dictionary definition is “to eject, dismiss or remove.” 47 refers to Trump, the 47^th president. So Comey was saying, get rid of Trump. Criminal, right? No, not remotely. Anybody has the right to say get rid of Trump, or get rid of anybody.

[See all of Trump’s losing causes]

The snowflake Trump claims “86” means “kill” because he’s seen that in gangster movies. In Trump’s addled mind, Comey was calling for his assassination. Trump’s corrupt Justice Dept. charged Comey with the same thing last year, but a judge threw it out for procedural reasons. If the latest indictment leads to an actual prosecution, there’s no way the government will win, because Comey and everybody else are protected by the First Amendment.

But Trump isn’t trying to win the case. He hates Comey because the former FBI director insisted Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election, which Trump won. That triggered Trump’s deep insecurity, provoking his feral need for revenge. Trump is just trying to hassle Comey with pointless prosecutions and force him to spend bajillions on lawyers. By the way, your tax dollars and mine are financing these frivolous prosecutions.

[AI gave me some investing advice. It’s pretty good]

Gallows humor. It’s been a busy week for federal malpractice. The Federal Communications Commission says it’s going after ABC because its late-night host Jimmy Kimmel keeps roasting Trump. Oh wait, the FCC didn’t quite admit that’s why it ordered an early review of ABC’s broadcast licenses.

But that’s obviously what is going on. Trump called (once again) for ABC to fire Kimmel on April 27, and the next day the FCC issued what is plainly a threat against the network.

Kimmel’s latest offense is an April 23 segment spoofing the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner. It’s funny and worth watching, if you haven’t seen it. In the skit, Kimmel jokes that First Lady Melania Trump has the look of an “expectant widow.” I laughed at that when I watched, which was before the actual correspondents’ dinner on April 25. Trump is 79 and Melania is 56. She will very likely outlive him, maybe by a lot. That’s the joke.

Well, at the actual dinner two days later, some crazy guy planning to shoot Trump wrecked the whole party, with Secret Service agents whisking Trump to safety. So the fragile Trump claimed that Kimmel’s expectant widow joke was an incitement of violence. Brendan Carr, the humorless FCC don, took the hint and now seems to be threatening ABC with regulatory extortion. Kimmel responded with another funny segment that’s also worth watching.

Trump in your pocket. To stroke Trump’s ego, the State Dept. will issue 250,000 commemorative passports featuring Trump’s image and signature. There was a momentary nationwide panic when some people thought all US passports would come with Trump’s face, for the rest of Trump’s term, forcing American travelers to endure 10 years of mockery every time they enter another country. But only weirdos who actually want the Trump passports will have to endure the mockery.

Junior Apprentice. The Wall Street Journal reported that Amazon is mulling a reboot of “The Apprentice” that would feature Donald Trump, Jr. as the obnoxious tycoon who fires people for fun. The idea is in the early stages, and it’s a good guess somebody leaked the plan to the Journal to embarrass Amazon and maybe kill the idea before it gets any further. Amazon is already taking heat for the awful “Melania” film that looks like a badly disguised ransom payment to the Trump family. Regular episodes of a Trump Jr. vehicle would probably lead to boycotts and a lot more trouble than Amazon would ever want.

But Don Jr. certainly has star power. Somebody should cast him as the lead in a reality show about a boorish trust funder struggling with anger issues.

War over. The Iran war is over, according to an official notice Trump sent to Congress. That’s very convenient, because the War Powers Act requires the president to end a war once it has been underway for 60 days, unless Congress explicitly authorizes the war. The 60-day mark for the Iran war was April 29. Trump declared a ceasefire April 7. So … we’re good?

Yeah, sure—as long as the bombs don’t start flying again. If they do, there will be a big argument over whether a resumption of hostilities represents a new war that restarts the 60-day clock, or a continuation of the old war, which would then be beyond the 60-day mark.

[See the economic toll of Trump’s Iran war]

Markets aren’t subject to the War Powers Act, and they consider the war to be ongoing, at full tilt. Brent crude oil is trading at around $110 per barrel, which is 60% higher than the pre-war level and close to the wartime high. The average gasoline price is about to hit $4.50 per gallon, an abrupt 50% hike from pre-war levels. Whatever is going on in Iran, the affordability war many Americans are engaged in is as hot as ever.

National debt > GDP. The amount of federal debt held in public markets now exceeds the size of the whole US economy for the first time since the World War II era. And it will probably exceed the record of 106% of GDP, set in 1946, by 2028 or so. Congress plans to address the problem … never.

It could always be worse. The next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, take solace that you’re not a North Korean soldier. Bloomberg reported that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has publicly acknowledged that North Koreans fighting in Ukraine have orders to kill themselves instead of being captured. Kim calls it “self blasting” and describes it as a form of heroism. He should demonstrate the technique.

North Korea started sending troops to fight alongside Russian forces in Ukraine in 2024, in exchange for cash and goodies. Ukrainian intelligence noticed the North Korean suicides, which dear leader now seems to have confirmed. An estimated 2,000 North Koreans have died fighting for Russia in Ukraine, while Ukraine has captured only two North Korean soldiers alive. Since they disobeyed orders, those two probably can’t go home once the war is over. What a predicament.