The Weekly WTF: Trump’s surprising oil buddies

Plus: Little Marco's little feet, and a Badger v. Churchill

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This stuff actually happened:

Our new oil BFF. The US-Iran war is turning into a boon for one Middle East oil exporter. And it’s Iran! First, Iran has been the only Persian Gulf nation able to freely ship oil through the Strait of Hormuz, which is effectively closed to most other shipments because of Iranian threats to sink ships. But Iran won’t sink its own ships, and apparently they’re sailing right on through. Bonus: The war has pushed oil prices up by about 35%, to around $100 per barrel, so Iran is earning a windfall.

When Trump mounted his takeover of Venezuela a few months ago, he sent the US Navy and Coast Guard to interdict at least 10 Venezuelan oil tankers, seizing their oil and selling it. But no US ships are bothering the Iranian tankers. Iran is a lot farther away than Venezuela and there may be a shortage of naval assets, especially since Iran has warships of its own that could put up resistance. But it’s also clear that Trump is not willing to interfere any more than he already has with global oil supplies. If he blocked Iranian oil from getting to market, the supply crunch would get even worse and prices might hit $110 per barrel, $120, or higher.

Trump is so desperate for Iranian oil that he may even ease US sanctions he imposed during his first presidential term, making it easier for Iran to sell some oil and possibly lowering prices a tad. Iran is adept at evading sanctions, and sells most of its oil to China, which doesn’t enforce US sanctions. But Trump may be trying to jawbone prices down a notch anyway, as US gasoline prices soar toward $4 per gallon.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent wants us to think it’s all part of the plan. “We will be using the Iranian barrels against the Iranians to keep the price down for the next 10 or 14 days,” Bessent said on March 19. Wow, trippy. Trump is either playing three-dimensional geopolitics here, or scamming us with oil slickery. Gee, I wonder which.

It’s an economic truism that more oil on the global market will lower prices, no matter where it comes from. But Trump and his advisers are improvising to cover up how badly they prepared for the consequences of going to war with Iran. Thousands of experts of every political persuasion have war-gamed an Iran conflict for decades, and could have told Trump, Bessent and the punkish Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth what a mess they were about to create. The Trumpers thought they knew better and are now coming up with one laughable story after another to excuse their incompetence.

Little Marco’s oversized shoes. The Wall Street Journal broke a fun story on March 9 about how Trump likes to hand out Florsheim dress shoes to the men on his team, which might seem endearing if it were any other president. But everything with Trump seems to have a perverse angle. After the story broke, somebody photographed Secretary of State Marco Rubio at the US Capitol wearing a pair of black Florsheims that seemed a couple of sizes too big. The supposition is that Trump gave Rubio the wrong size, but in his obsequiousness to Trump, “Little Marco,” as Trump once belittled him, wore them anyway, afraid to disappoint the boss. It recalls the “boar on the floor” scene in Succession, in which billionaire Logan Roy flexes by debasing just about everybody in attendance at a company retreat, with virtually no resistance.

CNN Style interviewed some footwear experts to get to the bottom of the Rubio shoe situation, where they found … soles. (Sorry.) But CNN did helpfully explain that the old saw about the size of a man’s feet reflecting the size his penis is a myth, even though the erudite Trump likes to say, “you can tell a lot about a man by his shoe size.” Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

One question for the dignified Secretary of State: Why didn’t you just have an aide buy the same pair of Florsheims in the right size? There’s a Nordstrom Rack, Jos. A Bank and Macy’s within a mile or so of State Dept. headquarters at Foggy Bottom, and they all sell Florsheims. Somebody could get there and back in an hour on the Metro and spare you another embarrassment at Trump’s hands.

Call me, Marco, if you need any other fashion advice.😉

Banksy unmasked. 😟 The Reuters news agency says it has determined the identity of Banksy, the provocative street artist who has satirized pomposity in black, white and red stencils on building walls in cities all around the world. Banksy has been drawing his murals, more or less illegally, since around 2000, and they’ve become world famous. So it’s probably surprising he stayed anonymous as long as he did.

Still, if an editor assigned me to do the investigation to unmask Banksy, I don’t think I could do it. I first learned about Banksy when I was lucky enough to tag along on a tour of some Banksy images in London several years ago. His subversiveness and caustic humor made me an instant fan. Anonymity gave Banksy a mythlike quality, like there was a cosmic conscience that would arise out of nowhere from time to time to skewer humanity’s arrogance.

I visited New Orleans in 2019 and was delighted to come across a Banksy while going for a run. I didn’t know Banksy had been in New Orleans. Turns out he made more than a dozen stencils there in 2008, three years after Hurricane Katrina devastated much of the city. The mural below, known as Umbrella Girl, was on the side of a building on N. Rampart Street, intersecting Kerlerec, when I stumbled upon it. The owner of the building removed the mural in 2024 and is reportedly restoring and preserving it.

Photo by Rick Newman

Churchill canceled. The Bank of England says it plans to update the nation’s currency notes and replace the visages of historical figures with wildlife. Notes currently being printed have an image of King Charles on one side, plus wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill on the £5 note, author Jane Austen on the £10, artist J.M.W. Turner on the £20, and the brilliant mathematician and World War II codebreaker Alan Turing on the £50. King Charles will remain, but options for the new images include no people. Instead, the contenders are native species such as otters, badgers, puffins, red squirrels and hedgehogs.

The BOE says the animal images—including elaborate depictions of their habitat—will help deter counterfeiting and fraud. And it released survey data showing that nearly 60% of respondents voted for nature images on the currency, with fewer than 40% going for historical figures.

Winston Churchill

But some Brits think the BOE has gone mad. “England’s new badger banknotes tell a dismal story of national decline,” the Telegraph newspaper declared. Both liberal and conservative politicians have bashed the move.

Badger

The BOE says it will run another “consultation” this summer, to identify the exact forms of wildlife to be on the banknotes. One wonders if Badger McBadgerface will be in the running. He’s a descendent of Boaty McBoatface, who was the surprise winner in a 2016 naming competition held by UK’s National Oceanography Centre. Careful what you ask for, BOE.

César Chávez was a pedophile. The famed union-rights leader and farmworker hero raped at least two underage women, and possibly many more, according to a lacerating New York Times investigation. Chavez died in 1993 at the age of 66, but two victims who are now in their 60s documented the abuse to the Times. They said Chavez started fondling them when they were around 12 or 13 and had sex with them a couple of years later, while they were both still minors. Chavez also raped Dolores Huerta, who worked with Chavez and became a notable labor activist in her own right. “He used some of his great leadership to abuse women and children,” Huerta, who is now 95, told the Times.

There are at least 130 streets, parks, monuments, community centers and other types of things named after Chavez in the United States. Officials are rushing to rename them. Maybe they should be called “Badger Park” or “Hedgehog Park,” to assure the next honoree doesn’t also turn out to be a sex offender or some other type of creep. I don’t mean to convert anybody to my grim view of humanity, but for all the fallen heroes there are, why do we bother with having heroes at all?

Cartoon by Farley Katz

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