African migrant crisis coming to America. President Trump warned that thousands of African migrants would overtake the United States if Democrats ever regain power. That was Trump’s response to the migrant crisis in Ceuta, a Spanish territory in northern Africa where more than 50,000 migrants recently arrived from neighboring Morocco, many of them transported by trafficking gangs. The migrants are trying to escape poverty and hunger.

“That’s going to be us in three years if the wrong side gets in,” Trump told Fox News on July 31.

Does that make you feel terrified? You’re supposed to feel terrified. Please feel terrified.

Now, most of the migrants returned to Morocco because there was no food or housing for them in Ceuta. Plus, the Spanish authorities, caught by surprise at first, sent military troops to Ceuta to deal with the problem. But think about it: If the migrants can’t get into Europe, the next thing they’ll probably try to do is bob across the Atlantic, right to America. Somebody do something! 😧

Blanche checked. Trump can’t get his attorney general nominee confirmed because he won’t give up on his plan for a personal government slush fund and perpetual indemnity for tax fraud. You might recall, Todd Blanche, as acting attorney general, helped set up the $1.8 billion fund Trump would be able to use to make payments to loyalists. That deal would also have shielded Trump and his family from future tax prosecution. Bipartisan outrage ensued, and a federal judge voided the deal in mid-July.

[Check out The Weekly Matterboard: Missing Mitch Edition]

Several Republican Senators want Blanche to pledge, in writing, that he will never try to revive that corrupt deal. Blanche has said he won’t revive it—but he won’t put it in writing. A few Republicans say they won’t vote for Blanche until he does, and without those GOP holdouts, there aren’t enough Senate votes to confirm Blanche.

What’s going on? Trump clearly doesn’t want Blanche to put anything in writing, probably because he fully intends to give the slush fund another shot. Otherwise he’d tell Blanche, just do what they’re asking and get confirmed. By refusing to put the pledge in writing, Blanche is signaling that yeah, Trump is going to try it again.

For anybody keeping track, there are only three or four out of 53 Republican senators who even seem to care that the next attorney general may be planning something that is blatantly corrupt. All the others seem ready to approve Blanche and let him commit fraud. Anyway, if the Senate doesn’t confirm him, Blanche can continue in an acting capacity indefinitely. But he could face a lot more flak from Congress than a fully confirmed AG would.

[Kevin Warsh has bombed as the new Federal Reserve chair. See why]

Covid forever. Are you still stuck on Covid? Some members of Congress are, roughly five years after the nation emerged from the pandemic, hoping to forget all about it. That’s why we got the absurd spectacle of Republican Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky holding a hearing featuring infectious disease specialist Anthony Fauci, who invoked the Fifth Amendment more than 100 times during a three-hour hearing, said virtually nothing, and even declined to answer when asked what color tie he was wearing.

What’s the point of this kind of crap? Paul is a strident libertarian who feuded with Fauci, the government’s Covid czar during the pandemic, over masking requirements and other restrictions. He wanted to grill Fauci on what may have been a change of view over how the Covid virusemerged in the first place. He also clearly wanted to embarrass Fauci. Paul published hundreds of pages of diary notes Fauci kept during the pandemic, including some in which the eminent physician preened about his fame and celebrity connections. Paul got the notes because Fauci kept them on a government computer, and Trump staffers discovered them.

Fauci retired from the government in 2022, at the age of 82. He repeatedly took the fifth during the July 29 hearing because he thought Paul and other critics would try to trick him into committing perjury, which the Trump administration could then prosecute. Fauci was probably right about that. So the ultimate outcome was, two giant egos faced off, accomplishing nothing.

[Trump’s approval rating is cratering. The data explains why]

For what it’s worth, scientists still aren’t sure how Covid originated—and a vindictive congressional hearing was never going to shed any light at all on the mystery.

Hedgefund.gov. The US government has obtained ownership stakes in at least seven additional companies, as Trump operates what is becoming a kind of government-run hedge fund. The new deal involves about $870 million in funding for stakes in seven tech companies. There are now 37 deals in which the Trump administration has bought stakes in private-sector companies or announced plans to. Prominent targets include US Steel, Intel, Westinghouse, GlobalFoundries, and IBM.

Many of these deals are financed using money from the 2022 CHIPS Act, which Congress never meant to be siphoned off for equity purchases in companies. The funding was mainly for grants and incentives to spur US-based technology development. Trump changed the program without Congressional approval.

This quasi-nationalization of certain companies has drawn bipartisan criticism because it’s likely to politicize decision-making at some private-sector businesses. It also distorts capitalism by giving Trump’s favored companies the advantage of too-big-to-fail status, thanks to their imposing government investor. Uncle Sam is badly overreaching under Trump.

[Stocks have been wild. See 5 market concerns]

Elon Musk poverty watch. The tech lord has lost half his net worth during the last six weeks. After his company SpaceX went public in mid-June, Musk became the world’s first trillionaire, with a net worth that peaked at $1.4 trillion. But after surging, SpaceX’s share price has plunged nearly 50% from its peak, with the value of Musk’s share of the company dropping by the same amount.

His other big company, Tesla, has been falling too, with that stock down 31% for the year. Musk’s net worth is now around $700 billion. For now, the world is trillionaireless.

China trumps America. An annual Pew Research survey finds that China now has a better reputation around the world than the United States. Once a year, Pew conducts a huge survey on global attitudes toward America. This year, in 25 of 36 countries, more people said they had a favorable view of China than a favorable view of the United States. In only six countries did the United States outrank China. In five others, views were split more or less equally.

China’s biggest fans are in Pakistan, Malaysia, Palestine, Indonesia, and Singapore. The United States is most popular in Israel, Japan, India, South Korea, and the Philippines. Canada and most European countries, including Spain, Italy, and France, now break toward China.

Something about the United States seems to have changed during the last year or two. In 2024, when Joe Biden was president, a median 47% of global respondents said they had confidence in the US president. Now that Trump is in the White House, only 21% say they have confidence in the US president. Can anybody connect the dots?

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Trump raises taxes, again. Gasoline prices are back above $4 per gallon and inflation is once again a problem. If anybody in power could cut Americans a break, now would be a good time to do it.

President Trump has other ideas. He’s rolling out a whole new round of tariffs to replace the emergency duties the Supreme Court shot down in February. It’s almost impossible to keep up with the on-and-off-and-on-again Trump tariffs, but the upshot is that Trump has raised the average tax on imports from 2.7% when he took office to roughly 12%. By the end of the year, that will rise to around 13%.

The Yale Budget Lab says the Trump tariffs will cost the average household about $1,110 per year through higher costs and a less-productive economy. There’s virtually no payoff from the tariffs. The US trade deficit hasn’t changed, the manufacturing sector hasn’t grown, and the only sign of dynamism in the US economy comes from the AI buildout.

Nevertheless, he persists.

For those trying to keep score, the new set of tariffs puts a tax of 10% to 12.5% on most imports from 60 countries. These replace a temporary set of tariffs Trump rolled out when the emergency tariffs went away in February.

[Here’s the problem with Trump’s new tariffs]

The legal premise for the new tariffs is that these countries employ “forced labor” in some manner to produce the tariffed goods. It’s a plainly ridiculous pretext that could fail in court when the inevitable legal challenges arrive. But that could take a year or two, and ordinary Americans don’t get refunds for the higher prices they pay, even when Trump’s tariffs turn out to be illegal.

Does Trump care about Americans, even a little? He’s pushing tariff policies that nearly two-thirds of Americans oppose. His Iran war is deeply unpopular and his ratings on handling the economy are terrible. Tariffs über alles.

Iran war end date. Ha, made you look. There is no Iran war end date, but Michael Froman of the Council on Foreign Relations offers a thoughtful way to guess. He cites astrophysicist Richard Gott’s take on the Copernican Principle, which stipulates that there are even odds a random phenomenon will endure as long as it already has. If so, the Iran war, which began on February 28, might wrap sometime in December.

That tracks. Iran is intensely aware that the war is a huge loser for Trump, politically. They also know his Republican party may be facing a wipeout in the November midterm elections, due to the botched war and its ugly effect on the price of gasoline and many other things. And it’s self-evident from Trump’s own bombast that he doesn’t know how to get himself out of the mess he started.

[Democratic Socialists have an awful branding problem]

The Iranians could very well be aiming to keep harassing oil tankers in the Strait of Hormuz until the US midterms, then try to make a deal. Froman sees three possible ways the war ends. You can find the full analysis here.

Money oopsie. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent made a mistake about money. During a July 15 Fox News interview, Bessent pointed to some old silver and gold certificates depicted in a frame on a wall at the Treasury Dept. “If any of these are still outstanding,” he said, “the silver or gold for them is at Fort Knox waiting for them to be claimed.”

That’s not true, as a few gold bugs pointed out on social media. Gold redemption ended in 1934 and silver redemption ended in 1968. If you brought one of these certificates to Ft. Knox, they probably wouldn’t even let you in the front door.

You can trade in a gold or silver certificate at most banks for regular money in the same amount. But they’re probably worth more as collectibles.

[The double-haters’ guide to the midterm elections]

Does it matter that the Treasury Secretary got this wrong? He probably feels a bit foolish, like a pro infielder who lets a ground ball dribble between his legs. But Bessent counts as a relatively competent Cabinet member among the likes of Trump henchman Bill Pulte, problem drinker Kash Patel, and the punkish Pete Hegseth. We’re willing to cut him a break on this one.

Why the Elong face? Elon Musk has lost more than $600 billion in paper wealth in recent weeks and is no longer a trillionaire. That’s mainly because the stock values of his two biggest companies, SpaceX and Tesla, have hit the skids. Tesla’s share price has fallen 21% this year and shares of SpaceX, Musk’s biggest holding, are down 27% from the price they started trading at when the firm went public on June 12.

Musk’s net worth blew past $1.4 trillion shortly after SpaceX went public, when the stock peaked at $202 per share. That made him the world’s first trillionaire. It has since fallen to $118, with Musk’s net worth now around $740 billion. Eh. Easy come, easy go.

Musk is a complex figure who has alienated millions with his Trumpy political activism and controversial views. In the latest Muskstorm, an interviewer asked Musk if he’s anti-Muslim and he answered with a convoluted reference to “rape and murder” that made it sound as if, yes, he is anti-Muslim. The Economist, which conducted the interview, called Musk “plainly bigoted.”

[Check out The Weekly Matterboard, bad lettuce edition]

But Musk is also partly responsible for the striking turnabout in the Russian-Ukraine war, with Ukraine gaining a long-range strike advantage over Russia, for once. Musk’s SpaceX blocked Russian use of its Starlink Internet service in February, while Ukraine has continued to use it. That has turned into a big advantage for Ukraine. Sometimes Musk is on the right side.

Putin bombs. Military analysts are chuckling at recent efforts by Russian dictator Vladimir Putin to gloss over his many reversals on the battlefield in Ukraine. The Kremlin recently released a goofy video of Putin supposedly visiting a command post somewhere near the front lines in Ukraine. But there are telltale signs it’s a fake, such as camouflage netting on the inside of the bunker and studio-style lighting.

“I could stage a better fake visit to the front,” Ryan Evans of War on the Rocks said on a recent podcast.”

“Zero stars awarded,” added Dara Massicot of the Carnegie Endowment for Intl. Peace.

As far as anybody knows, Putin has never visited Ukraine since his troops invaded in 2022. The Kremlin tends to crank up the propaganda when things are going badly, which they certainly are. Russians are fleeing the Crimean peninsula amid Ukrainian attacks, and waves of drones have been knocking out Russian energy facilities, causing fuel shortages in an energy-rich country. War is hell, especially when it backfires on you.

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They just said no. Most of the major news networks ran other programming on their main broadcasts while President Trump delivered a prime-time address on July 16. ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, and MS Now treated the speech as if it were a newsy curiosity, discussing Trump’s remarks as he made them but giving Trump himself little airtime. Only Fox News ran the speech in full.

Since Trump said in advance he was planning to talk about election fraud, the networks all knew he would gas on about cheating that never happened in 2020 and all the other bogus theories he has trotted out a million times before. That’s exactly what he did. The networks saved themselves a lot of fact-checking and denied Trump a platform for lying to millions of Americans about election integrity, which is actually quite good.

Trump got angry that most of the networks didn’t carry his speech, even though they’re not obligated to. He criticized ABC and NBC during the speech itself, and later threatened to revoke their over-the-air broadcast licenses. The networks have declined to carry other presidential speeches—by Joe Biden and Barack Obama, among others—without provoking any White House outcry at all. If you really want to trigger a bully, ignore him.

[Check out The Weekly Matterboard: News that’s actually worth your time]

Election theft heating up. Trump’s deranged-uncle act would be comical except he’s telegraphing what is likely to be an unprecedented federal effort to overturn opposition party gains in the 2026 midterm elections. Trump has been railing against Congress for its failure to pass the SAVE America election bill, which many critics characterize as voter suppression. Trump may have thought his July 16 speech would create momentum for passing that bill, but it didn’t. The bill can’t get past the Senate filibuster, which means the only way to pass it is to eliminate the filibuster, which even Republicans don’t want to do.

With the elections less than four months away and Republicans likely to lose at least one house of Congress, Trump’s minions at various federal agencies are likely to start working the system hard. The FBI has already sent an army of agents to intimidate election workers in Georgia. Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin says states that don’t “cooperate” with his department by sharing access to their voting systems will face consequences.

This is all crap. Cheating in federal elections is exceedingly rare and has probably been inconsequential since at least the days of Lyndon Johnson. States and cities don’t need Washington’s help running their elections. Trump and his goons are trying to taint legitimate elections because they know they’re going to lose. There’s a good chance they will try to block or overturn election results they don’t like. Expect November to be ugly.

[The double-haters’ guide to the midterm elections]

The White House opens an insider trading window. Trump’s media company, Trump Media & Technology Group, plans to let financial firms pay a fee of $100,000 per month to get early access to posts on its Truth Social platform. This is the outright sale of inside information for money-making purposes. Trading firms with blazing-fast computers can place trades in fractions of a second when computer algorithms think they detect something likely to move markets. Other social-media sites, such as X and Reddit, already offer faster access to posts, for a fee.

The difference is that those sites aren’t controlled by the president of the United States, who routinely moves markets with abrupt social-media announcements on tariffs, Iran war developments, regulatory actions, and specific companies he wants to reward or punish. Trump posts such market-moving announcements himself on a media platform he controls, and now he plans to sell market-moving news to the highest bidder. This is graft in plain sight.

In other graft news … A man named Gabriel Perez who has been a Trump aide for years, operating the teleprompter Trump uses to read speeches on TV, appears to be one of the Trump insiders winning bets on public betting markets because he had early information on something Trump was likely to say. Teleprompters run the words of a script across the same camera screen the person on camera is looking into, which is how TV people are able to read while looking straight out of the screen. Anybody working with a preloaded script would know what Trump was about to say. Prediction markets allow bets on whether public remarks by prominent figures will contain certain words or phrases. It’s so easy to game that, of course, somebody was going to rig it.

Betting market Kalshi apparently detected the fishy activity itself, and reported it to the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. There were more than a dozen trades that netted the bettor more than $100,000. The White House says it has placed Perez on unpaid leave, pending an investigation. We think Trump will reverse himself and give Perez a medal, a raise, and a promotion, for actions completely consistent with the most visibly corrupt presidential administration in US history.

[Inflation is down, but going back up]

Beware “the Brush therein.” Trump plans to impose new tariffs on Canadian imports, to punish our northern neighbor for the wildfire smoke that has been polluting the air over much of the United States. Seems odd, given that no country has burned more of the carbon that has caused global warming, and set the conditions for out-of-control wildfires, than the United States. But we are not responsible for anything anymore here in the land of it’s-your fault-not-mine.

“We are holding Canada responsible for the fact that they are not properly maintaining their Forests, and the Brush therein,” Trump wrote on social media on July 17. “Cost of this pollution must of necessity be added to the TARIFFS Canada is currently paying.” Soon, some lucky trading firms will get the word early and make money off of it.

[The Weekly WTF: Trump out-gaffes Biden]

Sky black. This is what the sky over Moscow looked like on July 18 after Ukrainian drones hit a nearby oil refinery. Ukraine has been mauling Russia’s energy infrastructure, to bring the war home to ordinary Russians. Looks like it’s working.

Thank you for your participation in this matter! Trump has won an Iran War Participation Trophy for partaking in the ongoing war with Iran. An artist collective known as Secret Handshake erected the 10-foot golden statue on the National Mall in Washington, DC, about half a mile from the White House. Trump might be able to see it while gazing at the reflecting pool to see how the algae are doing.

A White House spokesperson told Time that the statue is “ugly.” She might have been missing the point.

Overcompensating. Punkish Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced that the Pentagon will test all uniformed servicemen 30 and older to make sure they have enough testosterone. That’s in response to widespread concerns among the troops that their testosterone might be deficient.

That’s a joke, nobody has even thought about servicemember testosterone levels except the ridiculous Hegseth. Was this guy forced to wear dresses as a kid, or something? Anyway, if your juice is low, the Pentagon will pay to top you off. Such treatments can cause side effects, such as lower sperm production, infertility and blood clots. But warriors ain’t afraid of no stinking blood clots! Kill harder!

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Will Trump seek retribution? He could order a US invasion of Belgium, which has had a hard time defending itself, historically. Or he could wage a trade war with Belgium. They export cocoa, pastries and some pretty good beer to the United States. Stock up.

Intimations of mortality. At the NATO summit gathering in Turkey on July 8, Trump told the world that Iran might assassinate him. “I may be gone, because I'm their No. 1 target,” Trump said.

That is almost certainly true. Iran is a terrorist state that would probably kill Trump if it could. It may have already tried. Iran would consider it justice for all the Iranian leaders the US and Israeli militaries killed after Trump launched the Iran war on February 28.

[Check out The Matterboard: What’s worth your time and what isn’t]

When a reporter asked Trump about this on Air Force One afterward, Trump said, “I’m No. 1 on their list. But if I go, you go.” He seemed to be referring to the plane itself, as if there were some Iranian effort underway to blow up or shoot down the president’s aircraft.

Something fishy is going on with Air Force One. Trump flew to Turkey on the refurbished jet Qatar gifted him, which the Air Force has retrofitted to comply with the president’s security and communication needs. But Trump flew out of Turkey on the old Air Force One, which was built from scratch to military specs. The two planes are both Boeing 747s, but they’re easy to distinguish. The old one has light blue livery, while the Qatari vintage has red.

Trump first told reporters they were taking the older version “for old time’s sake,” and also so the newer model could go to a US base in England, so servicemembers could take a tour. That seemed like a ruse, so the White House later said the plane switcheroo was part of a “misdirection” effort, as if bad guys were on Trump’s tail and the Secret Service needed to shake them. 🙄

More likely, the retrofitted plane lacks advanced security measures such as anti-missile defenses and aerial refueling capability, as the New York Times reported. The fact that Trump is discussing this publicly is a tell. It sounds like intelligence detected some threat to Trump in Turkey—which borders Iran—and briefed Trump on it. It could have been a plan to shoot down Air Force One. That’s probably why it was on his mind. Then the Secret Service decided they needed the old plane for maximum security.

Trump can fly around in his fancy free jet when he’s back home and the skies are safer.

[See how Trump is mimicking the socialist Mamdani]

Shinto Muslims. Trump said on July 8 that the “Islamic Republic of Japan” had fired 111 missiles at a US aircraft carrier. It was an obvious slip. He meant Iran, not Japan. But how does a brain substitute Japan for Iran? Because they sort of rhyme?

We’re calling it. Trump’s gaffes have surpassed Joe Biden’s impressive tally. Presidential age limits, anyone?

Trump ^💗 Zelensky? Trump may have finally realized he’s been backing the wrong side in the Russia-Ukraine war. Trump has sharply cut back on US aid to Ukraine, while repeatedly spouting Russian talking points meant to justify President Vladimir Putin’s barbaric invasion. But at the NATO summit on July 8, Trump said he supports Ukrainian strikes deep into Russia, aimed at dismantling Putin’s energy infrastructure. Trump also said he’d allow Ukraine to make Patriot interceptors, which it desperately needs to defend against Russian missile barrages. He also praised Ukrainians’ bravery and said more US military cooperation with Ukraine was possible.

[How the AI bubble could burst]

This is a stark change in posture for Trump. Maybe he somehow realized that Ukrainians are the good guys and Putin is the enemy. More likely, Trump has caught on that the tide of the war is turning in Ukraine’s favor—and he just wants to be aligned with the winning side.

Also: SpaceX CEO Elon Musk shut off Russian access to the Starlink Internet service earlier this year, while Ukraine still has access. That has given Ukraine a big advantage in navigation and communications and helped with strikes that are wrecking Russia’s battlefield logistics. Trump and Musk are complex people, objectionable in many ways. But they could help Ukraine win if they wanted to. 🤞

Mitch mum. The staff of Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell is denying rumors that he’s dead. The Kentucky senator appears to have had a heart attack at his Washington, DC home in mid June, with emergency responders finding him unconscious. He’s been in the hospital ever since, and hasn’t said anything publicly.

If McConnell dies or vacates his seat, an interesting drama could develop over who replaces him. Normally, a state’s governor would appoint a replacement to serve the remainder of the term. Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear is a Democrat, so he’d likely appoint one of his own, which would cut the Republican majority in the Senate from three to two.

[More WTF: Icky presidential bedroom]

But Kentucky’s overwhelmingly Republican legislature passed a law in 2024 saying that if anything happens to McConnell, his seat is to remain vacant until the next election. That was a blatant effort to prevent Bashear from appointing a Democrat, as McConnell’s health worsened. The law may be unconstitutional and Beshear could challenge it by appointing a McConnell replacement and sending the whole matter to the courts.

McConnell is retiring, and two other candidates are running for his seat. So a Beshear appointee would have a very brief tenure. But if a Democrat takes the job, even for a short spell, the power of incumbency could help in the November election. Another Democrat could also scramble a few Senate votes into 2027, when the November winner would take office. Beshear is a possible presidential contender and would probably welcome the opportunity.

SpaceX, wink wink. More than a dozen Wall Street analysts published their first recommendations on Elon Musk’s rocket company this week, and the average target price is $242 per share, according to S&P Global. The highest estimate is $800 per share, from Raymond James. The stock meanwhile, trades at around $147, 37% lower than the Wall Street target price. And it’s down 27% from its peak on June 16, which was two days after SpaceX went public.

Target prices are typically forecasts for what analysts think the stock will trade at in 12 months. So SpaceX could grow into the Wall Street consensus. But Wall Street critics argue the price targets are inflated by investment banks eager to please the company and get a chunk of future business. As a reminder, Morningstar—which is a research firm, not an investment bank—values SpaceX at just $63 per share.

Musk clearly favors the stratospheric view. On July 9, he said on social media that “SpaceX will be worth more than the rest of Earth if we accomplish our goals.” If you believe that, add 10 or 20 zeroes to that $800 target.

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Cryptobrohaha. President Trump made more than $2 billion in 2025, increasing his net worth by roughly one-third in a single year. It wasn’t from presidential pay. Most of that money came from crypto ventures he and his family formed after Trump won a second presidential term in 2024. Trump made money by licensing his name and likeness to meme coins that other people buy and selling stakes in his companies to others. Many critics see these businesses as pump-and-dump schemes peddling bogus assets as a way of collecting tribute from wealthy people seeking presidential favors.

Did crypto investors share Trump’s success in 2025? Um … no, it’s more like they just gave Trump their money. The Trump memecoin spiked in value for a couple of days after it launched on January 17, 2025, kind of like a hot IPO. Insiders who bought early and sold during the frenzy made bank. But the coin quickly tanked, and most of the people who bought the coin lost money. If you bought at the peak, by the end of 2025, you were down 97%. Analysts estimate buyers of the coin lost around $4.5 billion. Some of that went right into Trump’s pocket.

[If the AI bubble bursts, it might look like this]

Even bitcoin, the most established cryptocurrency, has lost value under Trump. Crypto bros backed Trump in 2024, because he promised looser rules for crypto and other ways to make it more mainstream. Bitcoin surged for a while in 2024, but ended the year down 7.5%. It has since plunged in value, and is now 35% lower than it was at the start of 2025. The Trump crypto pump seems to have run its course. Trump rarely talks about crypto anymore. He made his killing, mission accomplished.

Trash of the United States. Trump’s bedroom is a mess, according to a new book by New York Times reporters Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan. They report that Trump leaves junk food wrappers scattered about while noshing at night, and stains the carpet with spilt food. Trump also has carpeted bathrooms, they say, which grosses people out because carpets can get defiled with bathroom fluids (🙄). Haberman and Swan imply that Trump is kind of a pig.

When I see stories like this, it makes me wonder who is leaking (sorry, groan) and why. Is it current or former housekeeping staff at the White House or Mar-a-lago? Or are Trump’s sloppy personal habits an open secret among his inner circle? If somebody is trying to embarrass him, why? Could it be Melania? Is the bathroom carpet really a problem, like does it regularly rot away? And will presidential historians be studying this in 50 years?

[America 250 isn’t as grim as it seems]

Election goons. The FBI is rushing several hundred agents to Georgia to investigate election fraud that never happened. It’s all part of Trump’s fixation on his 2020 loss to Joe Biden in the state. Is the FBI going there to plant evidence and claim Trump won? Maybe. But this is probably about the 2026 midterms, with Trump and his crony thugs running the FBI trying to intimidate election workers and possibly set the stage for Trump to cheat in November, when Democratic Sen. Jon Ossoff faces a Trump-backed challenger. Trump’s megalomania would be comical if he weren’t vastly abusing federal power in the service of his fragile ego.

Birthright ruckus. The latest emergency among extremist Republicans is the Supreme Court’s appalling refusal to overturn birthright citizenship, which has been enshrined in the Constitution since 1868. The court killed a Trump order that would have limited birthright citizenship to certain people, so now some fringier members of the party are talking about legislation that might do the job.

[The Trump economy is barely improving]

One idea is to ban pregnant women from entering the country, just in case they’re coming here to give birth on American soil. How would that work? Declare your pregnancy status at customs? Would there be physical exams and pregnancy tests to make sure nobody’s lying? And Trump’s ever-trusty customs agents are going to handle this? Will they shoot pregnant women who step out of line?

It’s a dumb idea that can’t die fast enough.

Sweaty socialists. With temperatures in New York City soaring toward 100°, mayor Zohran Mamdani urged city residents to conserve energy and set their air conditioners at 78°.

Wrong temperature! He should have said 68°, or maybe 58°.

Republicans immediately attacked Mamdani:

• “The Social Democrats are coming for your AC.” (Sen. Lindsey Graham)

• “This is communism at work.” (Sen. Rick Scott of Florida)

• It’s “an act of war against women in menopause.” (Rep. Nancy Mace)

• “Telling New Yorkers to set their air conditioning at 78 degrees is an open admission of the failure of the left.” (Windbag Newt Gingrich)

Funny, though, the federal government’s own guidelines for AC say to set it at 78°. Many states recommend the same thing, including Trumpy-red Texas and Florida. Maybe they don’t get heat waves there.

At least it wasn’t an obituary. Did you hear that Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is retiring? He isn’t, but NPR published a story on June 30 saying that he was. Famed Supreme Court correspondent Nina Totenberg told her editors Alito was retiring because somebody at the Supreme Court told her there was a retirement announcement and she assumed it was Alito. So NPR published an Alito profile she had prewritten in anticipation of his farewell.

[Tech inflation is now a problem]

The story was only live for five minutes and Totenberg apologized to Alito, plus NPR fully explained itself. So they made amends. Still, this is a journalist’s nightmare scenario. I’ve made published mistakes, and you endure a kind of panic until making the correction. Then you sulk for awhile, feeling stupid.

That’s for small mistakes. This was one the entire journalism world noticed. Somebody obviously cut corners at NPR, but the underlying problem is the rush to be first with a story, which can be a perverse incentive that forces hasty and incomplete reporting. Most people don’t care who’s first, they just want a timely and trustworthy account.

There’s been a lot of speculation about Alito retiring this year after the court’s term ends, which it just did. It would be kind of funny if he retired sometime soon and Totenberg turned out to be right, just premature. Would NPR publish the same Alito retrospective some readers already got a glimpse of? Or does she have to start all over and write a fresh one, to make it seem spontaneous?

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“The pool monologues.” That’s the Internet’s new sobriquet for President Trump’s regular harangues against the algae that keep fouling the reflecting pool on the National Mall that Trump is trying to clean up. Trump hosted NATO Secretary-General Mark Rutte in the Oval Office on June 24, and the biggest newsmaker from the session wasn’t the Ukraine war or the future of NATO or the Iran situationship, but the status of the algae and who might be abetting the algae in its vile scheme to drive Trump mad.

The upside to this scandal is that we’re all getting an overdue education on these plucky little organisms. For instance: This is why Trump can’t defeat the algae. Here’s why the algae turn everything green. This is why Trump attacked the algae at the wrong time of the year. Here’s an argument for leaving the algae alone and turning the reflecting pool into a huge aquarium, with fish and everything. And if you’re wondering if the algae is a metaphor for Trump’s entire presidency, well, many serious commentators can verify that yes, it is.

[Trump v. Trump: Why the first Trump economy was better.]

Aya-toll. Iran is firming up plans to charge tolls for ships passing through the Strait of Hormuz by copying the way Turkey charges fees for passage through the Dardanelles Strait, which a 1936 treaty allows. The Wall Street Journal reports that Iran could earn $40 billion per year in fees for “security, safety and environmental services,” and that Iran is offering to share some of this bounty with other Persian Gulf nations, to get them to buy in.

You might be wondering, hold on, was new money for Iran one of the goals of the war Trump launched against Iran on February 28? Well, it wasn’t then, but maybe it is now. Trump is desperate to end his Iran misadventure. Nobody supports this slipshod war any more, and Trump’s own Republicans are turning on him. With oil and gas prices now falling back toward normal ranges, there’s basically no chance Trump will face down Iran again and risk another energy crisis.

The combative algae and the defiant Iranians have conspired to drive Trump’s approval ratings to new all-time lows in the 30-percent range. The algae will probably retreat once fall arrives and the weather cools down. Iran will remain a menace for years, and future presidents will have to deal with the mess Trump leaves behind.

[Remember the Mag 7 trade? It’s now a bust]

No housing for you! I was getting ready to write an explainer of the housing-affordability bill Congress just passed, which is a rare bipartisan effort that might actually do some good. But Trump is standing in the way. Congress passed the bill on June 23, but the next day Trump said he wouldn’t sign it. He’s not vetoing the bill. What he’s doing is trying to hold the government hostage by blocking everything he can until Congress passes a janky election law, misleadingly called the SAVE America Act. Critics characterize the bill as a voter-suppression effort.

The SAVE America Act has passed the House, but all Senate Democrats oppose it, which means there’s no way it can get past the filibuster. So Trump is pressuring Senate Republicans to scrap the filibuster, in order to get it passed. They don’t want to.

Most Americans are not clamoring for a voter-suppression law. Many do want relief from high prices, including housing, which is the biggest monthly bill for most families. Trump will probably sign the housing bill, even if the delay means Congress has to pass it again. But he’s giving Democrats a gift by taking a stance against affordable housing, if only for a spell. And this comes after Trump said on camera on June 10, “I love the inflation.” Americans have peculiar tastes in presidents.

Shutdown, sure, why not. Imagine that your regular airline said it might shut down for a while in the fall. Or Amazon or Walmart or Netflix. It might be days or weeks, who knows. Sorry, customers, you’ll have to do without.

[Are you better off than one year ago? Our Better-Off Index has the answer]

Well that’s what Congress is signaling. Disputes over spending bills needed to keep the government operating after Sept. 30 are already so severe that members of both political parties are warning of a government shutdown just before the November midterm elections.

The death penalty seems a bit too severe for politicians who can’t keep the government open. But jail time might be appropriate? Fines? Hefty community service requirements, like cleaning trash off the Cross-Bronx Expressway for a couple of months? Whichever candidate makes this part of her 2028 presidential campaign gets my vote.

Is this thing on? When Trump signed an executive order on quantum computing on June 22, he stumbled while trying to read the words “quantum cryptography,” then asked a group assembled in the Oval Office, “does anybody know what that is?” You can watch brief clips here or here. Ask yourself if Trump has any idea what he’s signing, and if he doesn’t, who drafted the quantum cryptography order? Then send me your best joke about Joe Biden’s autopen.

[Here’s the real issue with the SpaceX IPO]

Can you spare some gas, brother? Russia, normally one of the world’s largest exporters of petroleum products, is running so short of gasoline that it’s quietly trying to import 50,000 tons of gasoline from Kazakhstan. That’s about one tanker full of gasoline, or 18 million gallons. More could follow.

Normally, nobody would care. But Ukraine is battering Russia’s energy infrastructure to the point that domestic shortages are developing in a fossil-fuel colossus, which is remarkable considering that Ukraine had essentially no long-range strike capability when Russia invaded in 2022. Now, Ukraine is wrecking refineries and other facilities in Moscow and elsewhere, with some of the world’s most advanced drones.

I provide updates on the Ukraine war from time to time because nobody should zone out on the biggest European conflict since World War II. Also, if life in America is bumming you out, it’s a good reminder that it could always be worse.

Solar power ^🌞. Here’s an upbeat WTF. The Energy Information Administration says electricity consumption from the grid in New York state is declining because of all the solar panels people are installing at the household level. Nobody tracks the amount of solar power generated home-by-home, because it never enters the grid. But household solar installation is up in New York and springtime demand for metered electricity declined this year, which EIA attributes to solar. As a wintry northeast state, New York isn’t what you think of as a solar hotbed. But as the cost of solar equipment declines, homeowners do the math and decide solar makes sense.

Trump’s atavistic hostility toward renewable energy hasn’t killed it. Even though Trump and his fellow Republicans axed most of the green-energy incentives Biden signed into law, most new power generation in the United States is still solar and other renewables. It’s a good example of how progress continues even with troglodytes in charge. Once Trump is out of the way, renewables will rise again.

Enjoy a real cartoon.

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Iran … won? That’s the conclusion of a wide spectrum of pundits and analysts now that President Trump has signed a “memorandum of understanding” with Iran to end the war Trump launched on February 28. Here’s a sampling:

“Iran is a bigger defeat than Vietnam” (Foreign Policy)

“Iran has Trump ‘by the balls’” (news site Zeteo)

“Trump’s MOU: Surrender on paper, spin on cable” (Economist Brad DeLong)

“Hawks lament disaster on Iran” (The Hill)

“America has lost its war with Iran” (The Independent)

“Iran wins” (former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley)

A lot of this criticism comes from Trump’s fellow Republicans, who are dismayed that Trump seems to be giving Iran a pathway to rebuild its wrecked military, maintain its nuclear weapons program, resume oil sales, and basically carry on as the same terror-sponsoring bunch of thugs they’ve been for decades.

The MOU, which is not in itself a peace deal, does the following, assuming both sides abide by it:

• Ends the fighting

• Reopens the Strait of Hormuz for 60 days

• Ends the US blockade of Iran, meaning Iranian oil exports resume

• Glides over Iran’s nuclear weapons program

• Lifts all sanctions on Iran

• Unfreezes all Iranian assets

• Establishes the possibility of a $300 billion reconstruction fund to help Iran rebuild from the war

Is this a better deal for the United States than if there had been no war at all? What an inconvenient question. Without the war, sanctions on Iran would remain, Iranian assets would still be frozen, the Strait of Hormuz never would have been closed, and there would have been no energy crisis or resurgence of inflation. Trump doesn’t want you to think about any of this because his war looks like a debacle that could end up empowering Iran without making the United States better off.

But the reality of the MOU is that it’s mostly a fig leaf allowing both sides to avert looming economic disaster, with months or years of haggling ahead. Iran’s not going to give up its nuclear weapons program, but it probably doesn’t want to endure another withering aerial attack by the United States and Israel. So the nuclear material buried under rubble will probably just stay there for a while.

Trump has to get oil and gasoline prices down before real shortages start to wreak havoc. The $300 billion reconstruction fund for Iran will probably never materialize. The 60-day deadline for an actual peace deal will probably get extended indefinitely, maybe for the rest of Trump’s presidency.

It’s an epic failure for Trump, who failed to anticipate the asymmetric leverage Iran’s overmatched theocracy could gain by closing the Strait of Hormuz. Trump looks like an idiot and so does his Defense Secretary, Pete Hegseth.

But worse than Vietnam? You’ve got to be kidding me. That war killed nearly 60,000 Americans and as many as 4 million Vietnamese civilians. It wrecked American power and prestige for nearly three decades. The US-Iran war was one man’s arrogant folly, entailing 13 American deaths and probably hundreds of dead Iranian civilians. It’s a tragic screw-up, but not an enduring national nightmare for the United States.

Markets, meanwhile, are overjoyed at the end of hostilities, even if Iran will live to terrorize another day. Oil and gasoline prices are heading back toward pre-war levels and stocks are rising. Iran’s rising stature as a survivor of American bombardment could still roil the Middle East. But if gas prices drop back to $3, most Americans don’t really have to care. Trump, meanwhile, probably hopes the next president who has to deal with a belligerent Iran isn’t him.

Library smackdown. Barack Obama’s presidential library opened June 19 in Chicago, and Trump can’t stand it. He’s been trashing the library on social media after calling it a “disaster” last year, well before it opened. A presidential-library expert told the Washington Post, “a president taunting another president about his library isn’t something that has previously happened.” Another first for Trump!

The current president plans to install his library in a 47-story skyscraper in Miami, with the number of floors matching the rank of the president. Wait, sorry, 47 matches the chronological rank of Trump’s presidency, not the qualitative rank. But it might end up representing Trump’s qualitative rank, as well.

One unique feature of Trump’s library will be a hotel, so you can stay for a week or a month if you really want to bask in Trump’s presidency. When you go, make sure to allot plenty of time for the Iran war display.

Make Algae Great Again. How much do you normally think about the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC? Never? Me too. Until now. Trump decided to “fix” the pool by giving two friendly firms no-bid contracts to paint the bottom of the pool blue and get rid of algae that has been a nuisance in the stagnant water for nearly 100 years. But the algae is back, the new blue paint is already flaking off, and everybody who visits the DC monuments now checks out the pool to see how the algae is doing.

The algae is triumphant. Federal workers are still pumping fetid green water out of the pool. Imagery companies are now training satellite cameras on the pool to document how the algae flummoxes federal workers trying to scrape it off the bottom and kill it with hydrogen peroxide. Trump has blamed his predecessor Joe Biden for the “filthy” state of the reflecting pool, but the algae seem apolitical. Maybe Trump should sign a Memorandum of Understanding with the algae.

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I 💖 Inflation. After the inflation rate hit 4.2% in May—the highest level in three years—President Trump said, “the numbers were great. I love it. I love the inflation.”

It’s possible Trump doesn’t even know what inflation is, and he thinks a higher number is better, because that’s the way it is when you’re selling real estate or trying to pass a dementia test. Trump doesn’t buy anything for himself. He probably doesn’t know how a gas pump works. Everything is just a corporate expense and now he doesn’t even have to pay taxes. Paying no taxes makes everything cheaper. Didn’t he just cut everybody’s taxes? Why would anybody be complaining about inflation when taxes are so low and the migrants are gone?

“I love the inflation” could be the saddest thing a president said since Joe Biden told Americans, “we finally beat Medicare,” during his meltdown debate with Trump in 2024. You’ll see “I love the inflation” over and over again in Democratic campaign ads this fall.

[Trump’s affordability plan has unraveled]

Ayatollah Hegseth. The Defense Dept. may have deliberately committed a war crime by targeting a civilian water-processing facility in southern Iran that serves around 20,000 civilians. Trump has repeatedly threatened attacks against Iranian “civilization,” and punkish Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth dodged the question when asked if US Central Command deliberately destroyed civilian infrastructure, as the New York Times and other media outlets reported.

Small minds might argue that Iran and other rogue nations attack civilian targets, so why shouldn’t we? If you don’t accept the moral argument that it’s simply wrong, then consider the rational argument that it’s just stupid. Harming civilian populations achieves no military or strategic aim, and it can undermine both by turning populations against you and eroding international support.

Hegseth is an embarrassment and we’ve argued that Trump should fire him. It’s possible the strike on the water facility was an accident or mistake, but neither Hegseth nor Trump deserves the benefit of the doubt.

[Everybody calm down about the SpaceX IPO]

Strait of Hormuz still closed. Trump has claimed a peace deal with Iran is imminent at least 38 times, according to a CNN tally. He’s been wrong every time and the Strait of Hormuz remains closed to most shipping. How long can this go on? Probably all summer. American drivers are getting by on gas around $4.15 per gallon and markets are finding workarounds to the energy crisis Trump created. Iranian officials are probably looking at Trump’s plunging approval rating and wondering how low they can push it.

Social Insecurity. The latest annual report on the financial health of Social Security and Medicare finds that Social Security will run short of money in 2032, with Medicare running short in 2033. This is a depressing annual exercise that demonstrates how feckless the federal government has become. The eventual insolvency of these two programs has been apparent since the 1990s, yet no Congress or president has made a serious effort to fix the problem.

[Trump has a Joe Biden problem on jobs]

If Congress does nothing, Americans participating in the programs will get their benefits cut once the money runs short. What will probably happen is a last-minute fix to prevent that from happening. But the longer Congress delays, the higher the cost of fixing the two retirement programs. With the national debt already at $38 trillion, something will eventually have to give: interest rates will go higher, productivity will shrink, living standards will decline and there will be less room to stimulate the economy when another recession hits.

But let’s worry about that some other time.

60 Minutes of revenge. Fired 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley aired his side of the story in an hourlong interview with the New York Times, which is worth a listen. If you sympathize with Pelley, as I do, you’ll come away thinking CBS News boss Bari Weiss and her lieutenants are thin-skinned chickenshits not qualified to run a national news network. Weiss has been a gaffe machine since taking over CBS News last year and her days may be numbered.

[The AI bubble might be deflating]

But there are three oddities in Pelley’s rendition. One is that he refers to Weiss’s clumsy dismantling of 60 Minutes as being “like your spouse being murdered,” a metaphor he repeats. Sorry, but what happened at 60 Minutes is not like anybody’s spouse being murdered. Everybody gets to live another day, find another job, reunite down the road and tell war stories. The comparison is overkill to the point of being kind of gross.

Second, Pelley expresses disbelief that a corporation would break up a “family” operation like 60 Minutes used to be. News flash, Scott: This has been happening at scale throughout the whole country for the last 40 years. Ever hear of outsourcing?

Third, Pelley, 69, said he had never heard of Bari Weiss before parent company Paramount appointed her head of CBS News. Okay, she may not have been a household name, but everybody in the news business (sorry, almost everybody) knew about her public spat with the New York Times and her accusations of excessive wokeness at the paper of record. She also founded a startup, The Free Press, that turned out to be pretty successful. No? Doesn’t ring a bell?

Weiss has suggested the oldsters at 60 Minutes are behind the times. Two things can be true: She can be right, and she can also be a hack.

Grim war milestones. Russia’s war in Ukraine has now gone on for longer than the entirety of World War I. That’s 1,569 days and counting. The Russian death toll could be as high as 500,000, according to a new estimate. That exceeds the entire US death toll in World War II. Yet Putin persists. The Russian dictator can’t win but he can’t admit defeat, either. So legions die.

Hunter Risin’. Need more Bidens in your life? No? Well, sorry, the Biden family doesn’t care. We recently got Jill Biden’s memoir, and now wayward presidential son Hunter Biden is making some sort of comeback. The Atlantic reports that “Hunter is winning unexpected praise” by going on podcasts to talk about his addiction issues and writing social media posts poking fun at his drug-addled past. Hunter claims to be seven years sober and says he plans to start a Substack with more serious musings. Please, Hunter: No memecoins!

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Director of national incompetence. There’s a new Worst Trump Cabinet Official: Bill Pulte, who Trump has picked as the next director of national intelligence, or DNI. The DNI, in theory, is an important job. This official oversees 18 intelligence agencies, including the CIA and the NSA. Prior DNIs include a senator, two retired admirals, a retired general, and an ambassador. Like, serious people with lots of worldly experience.

The current DNI is Tulsi Gabbard, the former House member who Trump’s inner circle shunned. The inside joke was that with Gabbard in the job, DNI stood for Do Not Invite. She’s leaving this month. Nobody will miss her.

Trump wants to replace Gabbard with Pulte, who’s 38 and currently in charge of the agency that manages the housing finance giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Pulte has never worked in intelligence, or diplomacy, or the military, or been elected to office. But he donated money to Trump, plus he’s punkish and abrasive. Trump’s kind of guy.

[Trump has a Joe Biden problem on jobs]

Pulte is one of 25 grandchildren of the man who founded Pulte Homes. But he never did much at the company except parachute in as a board member for four years. The well-regarded Pulte Family Charitable Foundation the grandfather established has publicly dissociated itself from brash young Bill.

Last year, at a private event, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent told Pulte, “I’m going to kick your ass.” That altercation came after Bessent felt Pulte was talking trash about him to Trump. He probably was. That may be one reason Trump likes him.

Pulte is best known as the Trump crony who combed federal mortgage records looking for dirt on Trump enemies. Wait: There’s his intelligence-gathering background! Pulte’s snooping led to accusations that Federal Reserve board member Lisa Cook and New York State attorney general Letitia James committed mortgage fraud. Cook and James both say that’s crap.

Democrats in Congress say Pulte’s appointment as DNI is a joke, and some Republicans agree. That means the Senate may never confirm Pulte, leaving him in lame-duck “acting” status indefinitely. But that won’t stop him from plowing through the reams of intelligence data you and I pay for to find even better dirt on people Trump wants to punish. Maybe he’ll get even with Bessent. Trump also reportedly wants Pulte to clean house within the intelligence services, like DOGEing the spooks.

The Pinpoint Press has had good instincts on the Worst Trump Cabinet Officials. Our first two picks—Kristi Noem at Homeland Security and Lori Chavez-DeRemer at Labor—are both gone. They were so bad even Trump couldn’t abide them.

We think Trump should fire Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. We’ve also noted that FBI Director Kash Patel (sorry, Ka$h) is vindictive, self-serving and drunk too often for comfort. Pulte has tough competition as WTCO. But Hegseth, at least, served in the military. Patel is a lawyer. Pulte is uniquely unqualified. That, alas, may endear him to Trump even more. 🙄

The case for Hegseth. If you’re rooting for Hegseth as WTCO, you’ve got some fresh ammo. Hegseth’s Defense Dept. hired a rioter who marauded through the US Capitol with a metal pipe on January 6, 2021, to work in a counterterrorism job that requires a top-secret security clearance. Elias Irizarry, who was 19 at the time, ended up pleading guilty to a misdemeanor and apologizing for his actions. He’s one of hundreds of J6 rioters Trump pardoned in 2025.

[AI is saving the Trump economy]

Nothing against second chances. But there are probably thousands of former USAID workers who are more qualified for any job at the Pentagon than this guy.

Latest tariff sham. There is actually some non-Trump WTF this week 👇, but organizational logic suggests we stick with Trump until we run out of material. So you might want to know that the great human-rights activist Donald Trump is taking on slave labor. He now plans to impose new tariffs on imports from Europe, Canada, Japan, South Korea, and nearly 60 other trading partners because his trade advisors have mustered evidence that forced labor contributes to the production of some goods in these countries’ supply chains.

If they investigated the United States using the same criteria, they’d probably find that America, too, relies on slave labor. Then they could really clean up this dreadful practice, starting right here at home.

[The Weekly WTF: America the immoral]

You didn’t know Trump is a crusader for worker rights? Neither did anybody else. What’s obviously going on is Trump told his trade people to find some new pretext for imposing tariffs, now that courts have struck down his main rationale for tariffs and may soon strike down the backup tariff plan he rolled out earlier this year. Assume the latest effort will face legal challenges as well, given that it is absurd.

More abuse of American businesses. When the Supreme Court overturned Trump’s emergency tariffs in February, it set in motion a refund process for some 330,000 import businesses that had paid nearly $170 billion in bogus taxes to the US government. The Trump administration is now trying to wriggle out of something like $40 billion of those refunds. Trump’s trade shysters basically say certain importers need to file a lawsuit to get their money back, which will impose the heaviest burdens on small businesses that don’t have trade lawyers on staff, and may not be able to afford hiring them.

Here’s the short version: Trump imposed an illegal tax on thousands of businesses, and now that the courts have said no, give it back, he’s erecting legal and logistical barriers to refunding money those businesses never should have sent to the government in the first place. It’s theft. Trumpism is worse than socialism.

[Are you cashing in on the epic stock boom? Most Americans aren’t]

Microhard. What’s your attitude toward Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates? For a long time, he seemed like a better billionaire, devoted to lofty causes such as improved sanitation in Africa. He helped start The Giving Pledge, a promise by some of the world’s richest people to give the majority of their money to charity.

But Gates has a dark side. The Epstein files released earlier this year suggested Gates had a couple of extramarital affairs while married to Melinda French Gates. Now the Wall Street Journal suggests Gates had at least 20 affairs.

That would be a lot of affairs for a normal person to have during a 27-year marriage. But debauched billionaires have a lot of staff to manage these types of things and cover them up. Ordinarily, we don’t find out. But Gates’s connection with the sleazebag Epstein opened a peephole that is becoming a picture window. Epstein emails suggested that Gates acquired STDs and got antibiotics from Epstein to treat them. Now it looks like there’s a lot more dirt on Gates than even Epstein had. Two affairs have now become 20. Is this going to become a geometric progression?

Breaking CBS News. Longtime 60 Minutes journalist Scott Pelley has a lot of media friends, and it was probably a dumb move by new CBS News boss Bari Weiss to fire him. Weiss took over CBS News last year after David Ellison’s company Skydance bought CBS parent Paramount. Ellison and his father Larry are Trump pals. CBS News is on the Trump Enemies List, and it seems like the Ellisons hired Weiss to hollow out the news network as a sop to Trump.

There’s more going on. The audience for traditional news networks has been declining for years, for obvious reasons (the internet, streaming, podcasts, social media, Substack). All the news networks are trying to adapt. CBS is now doing it worst. But it wasn’t exactly thriving before Weiss arrived.

Pelley, 68, is an elite media bigshot who will end up fine. CBS supposedly fired him “for cause,” the cause being, he criticized management. Ha. CBS will probably have to make him a big payout. If there’s no confidentiality agreement, Pelley will probably write a juicy book dumping all over Weiss and the Ellisons. Sources will line up to dish on these corporate jerks. Pelley will get his revenge. If he retired tomorrow, he’d have a distinguished career to be proud of and more money than most journalists can dream of.

What gets far less attention is the demolition happening throughout journalism, where no TV stars are involved. I’ve been a journalist for 35 years, and for about two-thirds of that time, digital technology has been wrecking journalistic business models and making it damn hard to earn money in the news business. Many good journalists simply leave because they can’t make a decent living. I’m not complaining! Everybody has to adapt. The creative destruction has also brought great innovation. I’ve benefited personally from many of those changes.

The political and corporate hostility toward CBS News is repugnant. But no more so than the countless firings and sad outcomes at many other news ventures. Please support good journalism, people. And not just when it’s an infuriating national story.

Jill Biden is officially annoying. The former first lady says that when she watched her husband’s disastrous debate performance against Donald Trump on June 27, 2024, she thought, “he’s having a stroke.” That’s what a lot of us thought that night, as President Joe Biden demonstrated in real time, before an audience of millions, that he was too old and frail to run for reelection.

But at the time, Jill Biden was the only person on Planet Earth who publicly praised her husband’s debate performance. She also pushed him hard to stay in the race afterwards, according to multiple press reports. Put it all together, and it’s a portrait of a woman who had deep concerns about her elderly husband’s health but still compelled him to campaign for one of the world’s most stressful jobs.

The biggest disappointment about Joe Biden is that he turned out to be an egomaniac like so many other politicians who think they’re irreplaceable and refuse to leave the stage. That selfishness obviously extended to his wife and other inner-circlers who didn’t want to give up the perks of the presidency. You can read all about it in Jill Biden’s new book, if you really want to be reminded of one of the main reasons we now have President Donald Trump.

[Most Americans are missing out on an epic stock-market rally]

Immoral majority. The portion of Americans who think the nation’s morals are “poor” hit the highest level ever in Gallup polling that dates to 2002. Fifty-six percent of Americans think the nation’s moral values are “poor,” while 30% say they’re “fair” and only 12% say “excellent.” Eighty percent think America’s moral values are getting worse, while only 15% think they’re getting better.

Something’s off here. The Trump presidency, rife with abuse and corruption, has obviously led to that downgraded estimation of America’s moral character. But Americans who answer poll questions like these are the same ones who gave Trump a winning margin and a second presidential term in 2024.

The breakdown by political party shows a sharp increase in Democrats who think the country is immoral since Trump took office. That’s about what you’d expect for a party that totally lost political power. But Independents and Republicans have also soured on the nation’s morality. That means many people who voted for Trump think the nation has become less moral under his stewardship. Duh?

[How older homeowners locked up the housing market]

I dunno, people. The leaders we choose reflect who we are. What those numbers say to me is that Americans, as in the people who live here, are becoming less moral. The country is the people.

The expense report of your dreams. Most workers who file expense reports have faced dreary battles with company auditors over a few measly bucks. They do things differently at the CIA. An agency official named David Rush put in for $2 million in cash and 303 gold bars worth around $40 million, claiming it was for “work-related expenses.” The agency complied. 😱

Then, maybe, the CIA got suspicious? The CIA says it investigated Rush when he started asking for gold bars, then turned it over to the FBI, which raided his Virginia home on May 19 and found the loot, plus a bunch of Rolex watches. The FBI found that Rush had been lying about his qualifications and his background for years. He appears to be a scam artist.

But hold on a minute. The CIA is supposed to aggressively vet every employee. They didn’t catch any of this? Why did they give him the gold bars when he started asking? Is that unusual, or totally normal at the CIA? How much gold does the CIA have on hand, anyway? What kinds of receipts do you have to turn in when you spend the CIA’s gold?

Rush began asking for the cash and the gold last November, so that part happened during the Trump administration. Maybe Rush figured everybody else in government is on the take, so why not him. But he’s been lying to the government about his qualifications since at least 2006, and nobody caught on until now. WTF.

Latest Trump outrage. President Trump’s Justice Dept. has reportedly opened a criminal investigation into E. Jean Carroll, the woman who successfully sued Trump for sexual assault and is due $88.3 million in damages from him. Prosecutors think she may have gotten financial help paying for lawyers from an outside group, even though she said she was paying her own legal fees. A real Justice Dept. working in the national interest would never bother with something like this, but Trump is using taxpayer assets to pursue his own personal vendettas. Trump has appealed the Carroll case, and the Supreme Court will likely decide if he has to pay.

[Trump says to hell with affordability]

Trump wants to get into your wallet. Trump wants Congress to change the law so his face can appear on a commemorative $250 bill the Treasury wants to print, to honor America’s 250th year as a country. Current law says no currency can feature the face of a living president. But Trump thinks we need to see more of him.

He probably won’t get his way. Trump has made some enemies among Republicans in Congress recently, by endorsing Trumpy challengers to party stalwarts. That’s eroding his Republican support in Congress, especially for kooky ideas such as this. He may also get his name whitewashed from the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC, now that a judge blocked the rebranding Trump attempted earlier this year.

But never assume your wallet is safe from Trump.

Let freedom wane. The “Freedom 250” concert series Trump is planning for Washington, DC in June and July is shaping up as an apt tribute to a declining nation in disarray. The announced headliners are mostly warmed-over acts from the ‘80s and ‘90s, as if to remind America, things were better then.

But we can’t even do nostalgia right these days. A bunch of the performers dropped out once they realized it was a Trump event, including Young MC, Martina McBride, Morris Day, and The Commodores. The organizing group listed Milli Vanilli as one of the acts, but the duo said they were “shocked to see our name” because nobody had booked them.

How did we ever make it to 250?

Trump criminal fund. These are historic times! A new scheme by President Trump to give taxpayer money to convicted criminals and absolve himself of tax liability is “one of the single most corrupt acts in American history,” according to a government watchdog group. It’s not every day you get to experience such unprecedented events!

The Trump plan is a new fund of $1.8 billion to compensate Trump supporters who marauded through the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, along with others Trump wants to reward for their loyalty (to him, not the country). Another part of the deal is immunity for Trump, his family, and his “affiliates” for any tax evasion they may have committed. Ever.

The whole plot is so galling that it may finally have set the limit for how much corruption Trump’s fellow Republicans are willing to tolerate. Some prominent GOP senators are pressuring Trump to cancel the slush fund by delaying action on immigration legislation Trump wants, and possibly on other priorities. Congress could also pass a law prohibiting Trump from doling out the money, but he could veto it. Plus, Republicans want to avoid a vote that puts their most vulnerable members on record opposing Trump.

[Trump says to hell with affordability]

Two things matter: One is whether Congressional Republicans will actually grow a spine and start to buck Trump in material ways. Be skeptical. The other is whether Trump has lost all interest in governing and is now willing to burn every bridge if it serves his own personal interests. It increasingly looks that way.

If you want to know the details of the Trump criminal fund and why it may actually be legal, Lawfare offers this thorough breakdown.

How to lose by winning. Trump has vanquished some foes within his own party by endorsing challengers who are defeating sitting members of Congress in Republican primary elections. So Trump gets revenge on people who voted to convict him of impeachment or opposed him in other ways, such as Sen. Bill Cassidy of Louisiana and Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky. Both recently lost primaries to Trump-backed opponents, ending their Congressional tenures. Trump has also endorsed the far-right Ken Paxton over the more moderate John Cornyn in the Texas Senate primary, endangering Cornyn’s reelection odds.

So Trump remains the don within his party. But the MAGA candidates he’s helping elect will be weaker candidates against Democrats in the November general elections, and that could ultimately tip the Senate to Democratic control. If Paxton ends up as the Republican nominee, in Texas, for instance, a Democrat could actually win a Texas Senate seat for the first time in nearly 40 years.vThat’s another reason Senate Republicans are growing furious with Trump. So yeah, maybe Trump is giving up on governing because personal revenge is sweeter. Punchbowl News has this nice summary of the situation.

[5 things to know about the midterm elections]

The Democrats still suck. Trump has spotted the Democrats an 8-0 lead in the seventh inning, and they’re cruising to an easy win, right? Um, no, not at all. Dysfunction remains the Democrats’ most prominent feature, underscored by the publication of an overhyped “autopsy” of what went wrong when Kamala Harris lost the 2024 presidential election to Trump.

You or I could have written a better report. Harris lost because Joe Biden never should have run for reelection and he bailed out too late. Harris was a mushy candidate who might not have even been the nominee if there were a normal primary election process. And the Biden-Harris record of high inflation and out-of-control illegal immigration was a loser to start with.

Anyway, don’t waste any time reading the Dems’ own analysis of what went wrong, which even Democrats are mocking as vapid. The main takeaway is that the Democratic Party remains leaderless and rudderless. It can make gains in this year’s midterm elections simply because of Trump’s plummeting popularity. But we still have a huge political problem: Neither of the two political parties represents the practical sensibilities of a huge part of the electorate, maybe even the majority.

[Voters hate both parties more than ever]

Send a wedding postcard! Donald Trump, Jr. is getting married this weekend in the Bahamas. His father might be too busy to attend. “This is not good timing for me,” Trump explained on May 21. “I have a thing called Iran, and other things.”

Trump also has an Air Force 747 that can take him wherever he wants and cut every air-traffic control line. It will be Don, Jr.’s second wedding. Trump Sr. has been married three times. Maybe weddings are no big deal in the Trump family. Trump will catch the next one.

Just quit now? Matthew Prince, the CEO of tech company Cloudflare, wrote a remarkably candid essay in the Wall Street Journal on May 20 explaining which employees he’s replacing with artificial intelligence. The safest workers, Prince said, are “builders” who create products and “sellers” who bring in the revenue. The most vulnerable, he said, are “measurers” who analyze processes, including auditors, marketers, operations analysts and a lot of middle managers. Cloudflare recently cut 20% of its workforce, and “the vast majority of those we laid off were measurers,” Prince said. Consider yourselves warned, measurers.

To err is human! Written typos and other mistakes now count as signs of authenticity—as in, proof that AI didn’t write this. That’s the conclusion of an Atlantic essay claiming that people are deliberately making catchable mistakes on resumes, dating profiles and social-media posts to demonstrate that a human actually composed the material. How kwaint.

[I asked AI for investing advice. It’s pretty good]

Energy crisis, whatever. Trump’s latest stance on the Iran war he can’t end is he’s in “no hurry” to make a deal with Iran and get oil flowing through the Strait of Hormuz again. It’s only oil, after all, and we’ve got plenty of that right here in the US of A. But Trump is still too busy to make Junior’s wedding.

No price is too high. When running for president in 2024, Donald Trump promised, “I will immediately bring prices down, starting on day one.”

Maybe he meant, starting on day one and ending a few days later? Like a temporary sale, rather than everyday low prices?

That’s basically what has happened. Inflation bottomed out more than a year ago and is now roaring again, thanks to Trump’s war with Iran and his taxes on imports. And high prices no longer bother Trump, now that he’s president.

“I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation,” Trump said in front of the news cameras on May 12, when a reporter asked if soaring prices affected his peace negotiations with Iran. “I don’t think about anybody,” he stressed. “Not even a little bit.”

Trump was trying to make the point that his only priority in dealing with Iran is to stop its nuclear weapons program. You might be wondering, didn’t President Obama have a plan to stop Iran from getting the bomb?

[Inflation would be tamed, if not for Trump]

Yes, he did! Under the 2015 Obama deal, Iran agreed to dismantle its nuclear weapons program and let international inspectors monitor the progress. Trump canceled the program in 2018. Only since then has Iran been stockpiling bomb-grade uranium, as the New York Times recently explained.

If Trump hadn’t canceled the Obama deal, Iran wouldn’t be building atomic weapons, which means there would be no 2026 Iran war and no 2026 Trump energy crisis. Trump still wouldn’t care about voters, but it would be less infuriating if gas prices were still $3 per gallon and there was no new inflation outbreak.

Instead, we have gas at $4.50, and maybe heading to $5. Higher costs for transportation and production will soon send the price of groceries and many other things higher. Nothing to worry about here.

Fertile imagination. Here’s a challenge for Hallmark: Design a greeting card for Fertility Father’s Day. Of course, it would have to feature Trump’s likeness.

At a May 11 White House event focused on maternal health care, Trump called himself “the father of fertility.” If you didn’t know the context, what would you think? Even in context, what do you think? Is Trump bragging about his sperm count? Does he compare his sperm count with Joe Biden’s?

Maybe, but Trump says he is the father of fertility because he signed an executive order giving health insurers the option to cover the cost of IVF, the expensive fertilization procedure for couples with difficulty conceiving. Trump has been thinking about his fertilization legacy for a while. In 2024, he called himself “the father of IVF” because he planned to sign legislation making it a covered insurance benefit. Earlier this year, he dubbed himself the “fertilization president.”

But the order won’t do much. There’s no federal money to help pay for IVF, and insurers aren’t required to cover it, just encouraged to do so. Maybe Trump should don his Jesus smock and perform some immaculate conceptions.

Petty Ka$h. The wonderful Kentucky bourbon Woodford Reserve has an unfortunate problem with the FBI. Director Kash Patel, who seems to be a problem drinker, apparently gives out personalized 750-millimeter bottles engraved with his name and title, according to the Atlantic. Sometimes Patel signs the bottles, using the charming spelling he prefers: Ka$h. It’s a pretty weird branding mashup, given that the FBI doesn’t make bourbon or have a stake in any liquor company.

[Nobody’s fixing anything 😡]

People on social media are calling for a boycott of Woodford. That seems unfair. Brands don’t need to be punished just because jerks like them. Should Trump foes boycott Diet Coke and Heinz ketchup because they’re Trump staples? Nah. Leave Woodford alone, unless it turns out they’re giving Patel free bourbon or dishing secret dirt on Jack Daniel’s.

Patel is a problem child. The Atlantic previously reported that Patel is a heavy drinker who sometimes misses meetings without explanation and has other hallmarks of an alcoholic. Leaks like this usually happen because a dogged reporter finds a source who really wants to dump on the target. The Atlantic seems to have found many. Patel has upended the FBI and fired a lot of agents far more qualified than he is, no doubt earning the ire of many expert leakers. Some are shivving him now.

Patel is such a snowflake that he sued the Atlantic for $250 million. That’s a show lawsuit that won’t go anywhere, and if it did, would involve a discovery phase likely to turn up more Patel embarrassments. Patel has also reportedly ordered an investigation to find out who’s leaking to the Atlantic. Trump might fire him before any of this gets anywhere. Trump doesn’t care that his aides are incompetent, but he does care if they embarrass him. Patel may be too shabby even for Trump.

There’s one more farcical tidbit. During Senate testimony on May 12, Democratic Sen. Chris Van Hollen of Maryland asked Patel to take an alcohol disorder test. Patel basically said, I will if you will. So Van Hollen took the test and posted the results on social media on May 13. He’s pretty dull, reporting just 3 drinks per week. So now Patel gets to report on his own drinking habits. If he can’t remember, maybe some FBI agents could help him reconstruct the details.

Senate slaps its own wrist. The Senate passed a measure on May 14 that will halt its pay if the government shuts down, starting once the midterm elections are over in November. Good start, but it should go further.

[5 things to know about this year’s midterm elections]

The rule restores full back pay once the shutdown is over. Nope. Members of Congress should forfeit pay for every day they shut down the government, like professional athletes who lose their pay when they get suspended for an infraction. And the House should adopt a similar rule, so that the people responsible for shutting down the government pay for it.

James Tacorico. Texas is abuzz over James Talarico’s lunch order at the Taco Joint in Austin on May 12. Talarico is the Democrat with a fighting chance of flipping a Texas Senate seat in this year’s election. Barack Obama paid him a visit, and while campaigning, the two stopped in for a bite, with a news throng in tow.

Obama ordered one steak and one chicken taco. Normal.

Talarico ordered two potato, egg and cheese tacos. Questions arose.

Greg Abbott, the Republican governor, said it was evidence that Talarico was a closet vegetarian, as if that would be a mortal sin against cattle ranchers. A taco podcast debated eggs for lunch. (Easy answer: Yes) The taco editor at Texas Monthly told the New York Times that both the establishment and the order were good choices for a candidate trying to appeal to moderates and centrists.

Hot sauce is still okay, right?

Iran war running hot and cold. Does anybody know if the Iran war is on or off? The Trump administration says it’s both.

US and Iranian forces are still shooting at each other. Gen. Dan Caine, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, says Iran has attacked US forces more than 10 times since President Trump declared a ceasefire on April 7. Iran sporadically fires at tankers in the Gulf. US forces recently sank six Iranian vessels in the region, and they continue to disable Iranian cargo ships trying to run the US blockade. The Strait of Hormuz is still blocked to most oil shipments.

But everything is fine, seriously. Secretary of State Marco Rubio said on May 5 that the war is over and the mission has been accomplished. What mission? Well, not deposing Iran’s authoritarian regime. It remains in place. The Iranian people have had no chance to take back their country, either, even though Trump promised they would when he launched the war on February 28. All of Iran’s nuclear weapons material is still in the country. Rubio says reopening the strait to oil shipments is now a humanitarian mission, as if it would be a nice gesture to the rest of the world, but not really that big a deal.

Here’s what is really going on. Trump is in a bind that’s the political equivalent of each of his six business bankruptcies. He completely failed to foresee the consequences of attacking Iran, like a hustler who takes on too much debt and then can’t pay it back. He’s desperate for a face-saving solution that doesn’t look like defeat. So he keeps telling his creditors that he’ll come up with the money, hoping for some kind of miraculous intervention, such as a bailout from his dad. But dad isn’t around to help on this one. So, a mess.

The Internet thinks this captures Trump’s Iran predicament:

Cartoon Pete. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth posted a two-and-a-half minute cartoon video featuring himself trying to explain why taxpayers should gladly raise the defense budget by half a trillion dollars, to $1.5 trillion. “We’re putting the American taxpayer first,” Hegseth lies in the video. There’s a cameo appearance by Deputy Defense Secretary Stephen Feinberg, in cartoon format, smoking a cigar at a big desk, like an old-timey tycoon who doesn’t care if smoking is banned. Then he orders “Deal Team Six” into action. They’re going to go out and whip the military-industrial complex into shape, you see.

Hegseth doesn’t mention the bill for the unnecessary Iran war, which is at least $25 billion so far, and could easily end up double or triple that. His idea of putting American taxpayers first is giving sweetheart defense contracts to Trump family members, who had zero experience in defense technology before their Dad became president. Defense contracts to the president’s family would be prohibited in any other administration. Where’s Hunter’s laptop?

Hegseth promises us there will be more videos like this, so you might want to wait for the whole series to drop before gathering the family in the home theater. Meanwhile, here are a few highlights from the pilot.

The people’s ballroom. The Justice Dept. will probably be prosecuting Trump for cost overruns at the new White House ballroom any day now. When Trump announced the ballroom project last year, he said donors and friends would pay the $200 million cost, and taxpayers would cover nothing. Then the cost doubled, to $400 million. And now, some Republican senators are trying to appropriate as much as $1 billion for the project, which means taxpayers would be footing the bill, after all.

Trump said on social media that the cost went up because the size of the project doubled and the quality improved, following “deep rooted studies.” Somehow, it is still “under budget,” Trump says. Now that’s some next-level developer talk.

The White House hasn’t explained why taxpayers should cover the bill, though.

Trump’s Justice Dept. launched a prosecution of the Federal Reserve and its chair, Jerome Powell, because a Fed renovation project is running about 30% over budget, due to unforeseen asbestos contamination at two 100-year-old buildings, and construction costs that spiked after the Covid pandemic. If taxpayers get stuck with the ballroom bill, then the entire project is a cost overrun, because the actual cost to taxpayers should be 0. If Congress funds the $1 billion ballroom, they should throw in several million more to make sure the prosecution is well-financed.

Put up your dukes, Trump. Polling firm YouGov ran a survey asking people if they thought they could beat Trump in a fistfight. I checked the date to make sure it wasn’t April 1. It wasn’t. I looked at the web site address to make sure it wasn’t a spoof. No, it was the actual YouGov.

They ran the poll because Trump held a May 5 White House event highlighting physical fitness, and asked one boy in attendance, “you think you could take me in a fight?” YouGov jumped on the bandwagon by asking more than 2,600 Americans three questions: Could an eight-year-old boy beat Trump in a fight? Could a typical American beat Trump in a fight? And could you personally beat Trump in a fight?

The survey results are below. The YouGov pollsters didn’t reach me on the question, but if they had, I would have said that Trump would run like a banshee from any fight where he didn’t have a bodyguard. The fight I’d most like to see is Trump against a transgender woman, because in addition to getting beat up, he’d probably pass out from cooties.

Anyway, here’s what Americans think about this timely topic:

Art diss. I’ve never been invited to the Met Gala and never will be, but I do enjoy checking out the world’s most elaborate Halloween costumes and wondering how you go to the bathroom inside one of those contraptions. This year’s event was controversial because billionaire Jeff Bezos and his arm-cleavage wife Lauren Sanchez-Bezos co-chaired it, and they represent everything that’s bad about conspicuous consumption, I guess. Of course, it’s a FUND-RAISER for the Met’s Costume Institute, so maybe you’d want RICH PEOPLE helping you raise all those funds?

Anyway, the whole thing is meant as spectacle and the Bezos involvement didn’t bother me, and if did, who would care?

But this was fun: The theme of the event was fashion as art, and what do celebrities know about art? Not much, is what real art mavens think. So the Whitney Museum, a few miles south of the Met, posted on its Instagram account after the gala, “I hereby order all celebrities to take an art history class.”

That’s what I’m talking about! A museum-on-museum diss track!

The Whitney followed up by pointing out they have free tours every day at 1 and 2 pm. Well worth a visit! I love the Whitney. And the Met, too.

86 Comey. President Trump’s henchmen at the Justice Dept. indicted former FBI director James Comey for a second time over some seashells he photographed on a beach last year. The case will undoubtedly fail a second time. This is an absurd abuse of power that would be laughable if—well, it is laughable. But it’s also grotesque.

Last year, Comey posted a picture on social media of shells on a beach arranged to form the numbers “86 47.” 86 is slang for get rid of. The dictionary definition is “to eject, dismiss or remove.” 47 refers to Trump, the 47^th president. So Comey was saying, get rid of Trump. Criminal, right? No, not remotely. Anybody has the right to say get rid of Trump, or get rid of anybody.

[See all of Trump’s losing causes]

The snowflake Trump claims “86” means “kill” because he’s seen that in gangster movies. In Trump’s addled mind, Comey was calling for his assassination. Trump’s corrupt Justice Dept. charged Comey with the same thing last year, but a judge threw it out for procedural reasons. If the latest indictment leads to an actual prosecution, there’s no way the government will win, because Comey and everybody else are protected by the First Amendment.

But Trump isn’t trying to win the case. He hates Comey because the former FBI director insisted Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election, which Trump won. That triggered Trump’s deep insecurity, provoking his feral need for revenge. Trump is just trying to hassle Comey with pointless prosecutions and force him to spend bajillions on lawyers. By the way, your tax dollars and mine are financing these frivolous prosecutions.

[AI gave me some investing advice. It’s pretty good]

Gallows humor. It’s been a busy week for federal malpractice. The Federal Communications Commission says it’s going after ABC because its late-night host Jimmy Kimmel keeps roasting Trump. Oh wait, the FCC didn’t quite admit that’s why it ordered an early review of ABC’s broadcast licenses.

But that’s obviously what is going on. Trump called (once again) for ABC to fire Kimmel on April 27, and the next day the FCC issued what is plainly a threat against the network.

Kimmel’s latest offense is an April 23 segment spoofing the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner. It’s funny and worth watching, if you haven’t seen it. In the skit, Kimmel jokes that First Lady Melania Trump has the look of an “expectant widow.” I laughed at that when I watched, which was before the actual correspondents’ dinner on April 25. Trump is 79 and Melania is 56. She will very likely outlive him, maybe by a lot. That’s the joke.

Well, at the actual dinner two days later, some crazy guy planning to shoot Trump wrecked the whole party, with Secret Service agents whisking Trump to safety. So the fragile Trump claimed that Kimmel’s expectant widow joke was an incitement of violence. Brendan Carr, the humorless FCC don, took the hint and now seems to be threatening ABC with regulatory extortion. Kimmel responded with another funny segment that’s also worth watching.

Trump in your pocket. To stroke Trump’s ego, the State Dept. will issue 250,000 commemorative passports featuring Trump’s image and signature. There was a momentary nationwide panic when some people thought all US passports would come with Trump’s face, for the rest of Trump’s term, forcing American travelers to endure 10 years of mockery every time they enter another country. But only weirdos who actually want the Trump passports will have to endure the mockery.

Junior Apprentice. The Wall Street Journal reported that Amazon is mulling a reboot of “The Apprentice” that would feature Donald Trump, Jr. as the obnoxious tycoon who fires people for fun. The idea is in the early stages, and it’s a good guess somebody leaked the plan to the Journal to embarrass Amazon and maybe kill the idea before it gets any further. Amazon is already taking heat for the awful “Melania” film that looks like a badly disguised ransom payment to the Trump family. Regular episodes of a Trump Jr. vehicle would probably lead to boycotts and a lot more trouble than Amazon would ever want.

But Don Jr. certainly has star power. Somebody should cast him as the lead in a reality show about a boorish trust funder struggling with anger issues.

War over. The Iran war is over, according to an official notice Trump sent to Congress. That’s very convenient, because the War Powers Act requires the president to end a war once it has been underway for 60 days, unless Congress explicitly authorizes the war. The 60-day mark for the Iran war was April 29. Trump declared a ceasefire April 7. So … we’re good?

Yeah, sure—as long as the bombs don’t start flying again. If they do, there will be a big argument over whether a resumption of hostilities represents a new war that restarts the 60-day clock, or a continuation of the old war, which would then be beyond the 60-day mark.

[See the economic toll of Trump’s Iran war]

Markets aren’t subject to the War Powers Act, and they consider the war to be ongoing, at full tilt. Brent crude oil is trading at around $110 per barrel, which is 60% higher than the pre-war level and close to the wartime high. The average gasoline price is about to hit $4.50 per gallon, an abrupt 50% hike from pre-war levels. Whatever is going on in Iran, the affordability war many Americans are engaged in is as hot as ever.

National debt > GDP. The amount of federal debt held in public markets now exceeds the size of the whole US economy for the first time since the World War II era. And it will probably exceed the record of 106% of GDP, set in 1946, by 2028 or so. Congress plans to address the problem … never.

It could always be worse. The next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, take solace that you’re not a North Korean soldier. Bloomberg reported that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has publicly acknowledged that North Koreans fighting in Ukraine have orders to kill themselves instead of being captured. Kim calls it “self blasting” and describes it as a form of heroism. He should demonstrate the technique.

North Korea started sending troops to fight alongside Russian forces in Ukraine in 2024, in exchange for cash and goodies. Ukrainian intelligence noticed the North Korean suicides, which dear leader now seems to have confirmed. An estimated 2,000 North Koreans have died fighting for Russia in Ukraine, while Ukraine has captured only two North Korean soldiers alive. Since they disobeyed orders, those two probably can’t go home once the war is over. What a predicament.

Somebody likes Congress? Congress’s disapproval rating rose to 86% in the latest Gallup survey, matching record-high hate marks from 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2015. The recurring theme is a government shutdown, which was underway during most of those prior spikes. If you’re not aware, there’s currently a shutdown of the Dept. of Homeland Security, except for the worst part of it: Immigration and Customs Enforcement. ICE is up and running because it got a separate funding stream as part of the Republican tax law President Trump signed last summer.

Democrats are blocking DHS funding because they want reforms at ICE, which has plenty of funding. Republicans won’t consider any reforms at ICE, so most of the rest of DHS is idle. Make sense? No, not at all.

There’s only one question: Nine percent of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. WHO ARE THEY?

Come on people, we can do this. Let’s get those Congressional hate numbers closer to 100. Gallup runs its Congressional survey monthly. Tell everybody you know to vote against Congress if Gallup calls. And ask why they need convincing in the first place.

Redistricting regret. Republicans who kicked off a repugnant wave of off-schedule redistricting in Texas last year now stand to lose from what they unleashed. 😄😄😄 Texas redrew its Congressional districts because Trump pushed the state to add five House GOP seats, by drawing new borders that would lump Democratic voters in the fewest number of districts and let Republicans win the rest. This is an odious but technically legal process that has been going on for decades and is democracy at its worst. Normally, it only happens once every 10 years, after the decennial census. But Trump wanted an edge NOW, and Texas did what he said.

[See why it could take months for the Iran war to end]

What Trump didn’t foresee is that some Democratic states would do the same thing, which they have, and now it looks like Republicans will get no advantage at all from trying to rig the vote. The whole scheme might even hurt them. Virginia tilted the odds back toward Dems by passing a redistricting plan on April 21 that will probably flip four seats from R to D. California redistricting has probably flipped five seats for the Dems. Florida may still net Republicans a seat or two if it joins the fray. But Republicans basically cheated in plain view of voters, with nothing to show for it.

The Cook Political Report says Democrats have a six-point advantage heading into the November midterm elections. That portends a blue-wave election. CNN’s Harry Enten calls the Republican redistricting scheme “one of your all-time backfires.” Republicans deserve it.

Uncle Sam Airlines. President Trump, whose companies declared bankruptcy six times, apparently can’t stand to see a business go bust. So he’s committing taxpayer money to save a small airline most fliers would never miss.

Spirit Airlines, America’s seventh-largest carrier, has been reorganizing under bankruptcy protection and was on track to emerge healthier sometime this summer. But the soaring cost of jet fuel caused by Trump’s war on Iran has wrecked the company’s finances, pushing it toward liquidation. So Trump is preparing a government bailout that would inject $500 million of taxpayer funds into the budget carrier in exchange for an ownership stake that could be as high as 90%.

This is a dangerous anticapitalist idea. The US government has helped out airlines before, but only under extraordinary circumstances that threatened the entire industry, such as the 2001 terrorist attacks and the 2020 Covid pandemic. Numerous individual airlines have gone bankrupt, including Braniff (1982), Eastern (1989), Pan Am (1991), TWA (2001), US Airways (2002 and 2004), United (2002), Northwest (2005), Delta (2005) and American (2011). Bankruptcy is capitalism’s way of compelling efficiency and punishing bad management.

[See why the Trump economy lags Biden’s]

The government didn’t bail out any of those companies, and nearly all of those bankrupt airlines were bigger than Spirit. Some disappeared, while others merged with existing carriers. The problem with government ownership is it inevitably injects political factors into management decisions.

What’s so special about Spirit? Probably that it would be a victim of Trump himself. Trump is the one who started the Iran war oblivious to the inevitability of Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz and causing a global energy crisis. So a bailout is Trump’s way of buying off his own guilt. With our money. We should all demand free flights on our new airline.

How to fix the weather. Traders on betting site Polymarket seem to have figured out how to win thousands of dollars by rigging weather equipment. There have been at least two incidents in which an official temperature gauge at De Gaulle airport in Paris jumped by 4° Celsius, or around 7° Fahrenheit, even though there was no such change in the ambient temperature. In the first instance, a lucky trader just happened to place a bet guessing there would be such a temperature surge, winning $14,000 on a bet of $30. The odds of that payout were 0.2%. The second time, a trader won $21,000 betting just $119 on the micro heat wave. Those odds were 0.5%.

[See the economic toll of the Iran war, so far]

A French climate-monitoring group noticed the oddities, which first occurred on April 6, and then again on April 15. Commenters speculate that somebody with access to the temperature gauges blew on them for a few minutes with a battery-powered hair dryer. French authorities are investigating.

I’ve written before about how scammy betting sites seem to be, and there have been numerous fishy payouts to traders who placed prescient bets, as if they had insider information. On April 23, authorities arrested a US special forces soldier on charges of using secret classified information on the January operation to snatch Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro to net $419,000 on Polymarket. Some people think higher-echelon Trump administration officials are cashing in, too. We’re democratizing everything, including graft.

Dumb … Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. dragged his family name even lower on April 22 when he tried to convince a Senate committee that (600-590) = (-600%). Kennedy was trying to defend Trump’s frequent claim that he’s going to cut drug prices by multiples of 100%, such as 500%, 600%, or 1,000%. Anybody who shops for themselves knows you can only cut the price of anything by a maximum of 100%, at which point the product is free. A 500% discount on, say, a $100 item, would be getting it for free and then getting an extra $400.

Anyway, one senator prodded Kennedy about Trump’s made-up math, and Kennedy took the bait, saying, “if you have a $600 drug, and you reduce it to $10, that’s a 600% reduction.” Is Kennedy that dumb? Or is he just acting dumb because Trump is dumb? Is the whole Trump administration engaged in a stupid contest?

If the price of a $600 drug fell to $10, that would be a 98% decline. You get that by dividing the amount of the change, 590, by the original price, 600. 590 ÷ 600 =98.33 and you round down to 98%.

JUST ASK AI, YOU BRAINDEAD BUMPKINS!

And dumber …. The Centers for Disease Control won’t publish its own research showing that Covid-19 vaccines cut the risk of hospitalization in half. You know why. At some point in Trump’s mad past, he decided: Vaccines, bad. So now, vaccines are the unmentionable word Trump will not speak, or allow anybody else to speak. Trump should rename the CDC the Trump Center for the Spread of Disease.

Better than Putinland. Ukrainian negotiators have proposed renaming a besieged part of eastern Ukraine “Donnyland,” as a tribute to Donny Osmond. Just checking if you’re awake. It’s not Donny Osmond, it’s the other Donny, Donald Trump.

Apparently it started as a joke among the acerbic Ukrainians, who then thought, wait, he might actually fall for it: Name part of our country after Trump and he might provide more aid to fight the invading Russians. “Donnyland” is a mashup of “Donald” and “the Donbas,” the region that would gain this unparalleled honor if Trump went along. Trump obviously doesn’t go by Donny, but he’s an expert at naming things after himself and could offer guidance. “Trumpatorsk.” “Trumporizhia.” Throw in a peace prize. Whatever.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky doesn’t love the idea, but he left the door open when reporters asked him about it on April 1. “The main thing is that it's not 'Putinland,'” he said.

You have to think about it for a while, but yeah, Donnyland seems slightly better.

This stuff actually happened:

Trump revives Epstein scandal. Melania Trump, that is. The First Lady gave a six-minute statement to reporters at the White House on April 9 to clarify that “numerous fake images and statement about Epstein and me … are completely false.”

Huh? It’s well known that Donald Trump was an Epstein pal for years, and that he and Melania socialized with Epstein in the early 2000s. But of all the people linked with the dead pedophile’s crimes and depredations, Melania Trump isn’t one of them.

Or is she? What don’t we know?

The rumors Melania is referring to might be social-media speculation that Epstein somehow procured Melania Knauss, as she was known when she came to the United States in 1996, for Trump. But if so, who cares. Knauss was 26 when she moved from Slovenia to New York. She couldn’t have been one of Epstein’s underage victims, unless it was abroad in the 1980s, and there’s no evidence of that.

Trump, the president, told a reporter after Melania’s performance that he didn’t know she was planning to make such a statement. Do they ever speak? Bounce things off each other, like old married couples typically do?

Epstein sleuths think Melania might know that some Epstein publicity bomb is about to drop, and be preemptively distancing herself from her husband to escape the damage. She might also just be loony or paranoid. Or insulted to be likened to a prostitute on social media. Who knows.

It’s still the case, however, that Donald Trump’s name is conspicuously absent in the Epstein documents, and it’s pretty obvious that a politically compromised Justice Dept. run by Trump cronies has airbrushed his name from the public files. There are probably still some Epstein secrets and Melania may have an inkling what they are.

Iran trolls Trump. After Trump announced an April 7 ceasefire with Iran, Iranian media posted an AI-generated video on social media showing Trump descending the steps of Air Force One sheepishly bearing a white surrender flag. Conciliatory, huh?

The ceasefire looks very shaky, largely because it’s not clear Iran will agree to any kind of concession. Instead, it’s asserting what could be permanent control over tankers passing through the Strait of Hormuz, which would be an astonishing degree of new leverage gained by a nation that survived 39 days of bombing by two of the world’s most powerful militaries. The Iranian regime took a beating and may be cowed privately, but its public stance toward the United States is still, up yours, Trump.

[See 5 huge problems with the Iran war ceasefire]

War Bunny. Trump addressed the Iran war on April 5 while emceeing the annual White House Easter Egg roll from a balcony at the White House, with the Easter Bunny standing to his left. The audience below was mostly kids there for the egg event. “I don’t think it gets more hostile than Iran,” Trump told the kids, while the Easter Bunny looked out with a reassuring permagrin. “You don’t mind when the enemy is weak, but that enemy is strong, not so strong like they were about a month ago,” Trump explained to the captivated egg rollers. Like a good soldier, the Easter Bunny remained inscrutable.

Vance touts poverty and corruption. Vice President JD Vance took time out of his busy schedule (?) to fly to Hungary and campaign for Europe’s worst leader, Prime Minister Viktor Orban, who looks likely to lose an April 12 reelection bid. “Trump loves you, and so do I,” Vance told Orban in a public meeting on April 7.

[See the economic toll of the Iran war, in 8 charts]

During 20 years in power, Orban has transformed Hungary from a fragile democracy into a corrupt autocracy that is Europe’s poorest country. Among his claims to shame, Orban is widely viewed as a lapdog for Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Bloomberg recently published a transcript of a phone call in which Orban said to Putin, “In any matter where I can be of assistance, I am at your service.” So of course the American president sent his lackey to gush over Orban.

If Orban loses the April 12 vote, it’s not clear he’ll relinquish power. That could put Trump and Vance in the position of supporting a crook trying to overturn a legitimate election. Vance and Trump might be backing Orban so that if he loses, they can call it a rigged election and use it as a template for overturning any results that might go against them in US elections this year or in 2028. God bless America.

Vance’s other crappy job. Trump also assigned Vance to head the ceasefire negotiations with Iran. The starting point for that is the US and Iran have each listed a separate set of demands, with almost no common ground. Iran thinks it has the upper hand because Trump can’t stand the pain of US gasoline prices heading toward $5 per gallon. The Iranians think they’ve won by merely surviving the US assault, so Trump may be setting Vance up for failure.

[Trump’s inflation immolation]

Iran’s new leverage over oil shipments is unnerving, but Vance’s comeuppance is entertaining for anybody disgusted by his transmogrification from the insightful author of “Hillbilly Elegy” to a rage-baiting culture warrior who cozies up to some of the world’s most loathsome people.

Easter miracle in Islamic country. While describing the rescue of a downed aviator in Iran on Easter Day, April 5, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said, “Flown out of Iran as the sun was rising on Easter Sunday, a pilot reborn. All home and accounted for. A nation rejoicing. God is good.”

At least 13 other Americans have died in the Iran war. God has not been so good to them, if survival is the measure of goodness. Hegseth’s divine accounting seems woefully incomplete.

Hegseth is a weirdo who laces war briefings with biblical verse and seems to think God intervenes in wars that humans wage on each other. During a March prayer breakfast, he asked God for “overwhelming violence” against Iran. He later made a public plea to all Americans to pray for victory “every day, on bended knee … in the name of Jesus Christ.”

Jesus Christ hasn’t said how he feels about this, but Pope Leo said in a recent homily that that some so-called Christian causes are “distorted by a desire for domination, entirely foreign to the way of Jesus Christ.” But what does the pope know.

Enjoy a cartoon!

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Trojan tankers. President Trump said Iran gave the United States a “present” by allowing 10 oil tankers registered in Pakistan to pass through the Strait of Hormuz so they can eventually deliver their cargo to customers.

You might be thinking: How nice! Where do I go to claim some Pakistani oil?! I don’t need a whole tanker, but a few barrels of oil might hold me over for a month or two until the war’s over.

Well, Trump hasn’t told Americans how to claim their oil just yet, and it’s possible that Iran didn’t really give America any gift at all, but just let some ships from a friendly nation sail through the strait, as it has been doing in recent weeks. Iran may also be charging “tolls” as high as $2 million per ship, and therefore profiting handsomely from the presents Trump thinks he’s getting.

It’s possible the Iranians are pranking Trump and there’s nobody in his administration smart enough to figure it out. It’s possible that an aide told Trump the Iranians gave him a present, because Trump was in a bad mood and needed something to cheer him up. It’s possible Trump doesn’t even remember that he started a war with Iran and is regressing to a childlike state in which he imagines every day is Christmas morning.

[See when the Hormuz Strait might actually open]

But presents from Iran? If you ever get one, check it for booby traps.

Aya-told-you-so. If you want to know how the Iran-war ceasefire negotiations are going, you’ll get a straighter answer from the extremist ayatollahs in Tehran than from the president of the United States. Trump has constructed an alternate reality in which Iran is “begging” for an end to the war, which keeps not ending because …? Iran, meanwhile, says there are no peace talks, with one regime mouthpiece mocking Trump for “negotiating with yourself.”

Whom to believe? Well, Trump is obviously deploying that old huckster tactic, fake it till everybody knows you’re bullshitting. Iranian spokesterrorists seem more trustworthy at this point.

How do we know? Because of what we can see with our own eyes: Iran’s strategy of causing financial pain and political turmoil for their American enemy seems to be working, as US gasoline prices close in on $4 per gallon, inflation worsens, stocks tank, interest rates spike and Trump looks like an idiot. If the Iranians presented any opening for a deal at this point, Trump would jump at it. Trump’s peace negotiations are as imaginary as gifts from Iran.

[Are you better off than you were one year ago? Our Better-Off Index has the answer]

Rigged! Trump used a mail-in ballot this week to vote in a Florida House race in the district that includes his Mar-a-Lago residence. If this sounds fishy, it might be because Trump has railed against mail-in voting for years, calling it “cheating” and “a disaster.” He’s pushing hard for Congress to pass a voter-suppression law called the SAVE Act that would sharply restrict mail-in voting. (The SAVE Act doesn’t have the votes and won’t pass, as we told you recently.)

So why would Trump vote in this dubious method himself? “Because I’m president.” That’s literally how he explained himself. Trump gets special privileges, see, like a king. Mail-in for me, not for thee.

[Check out the outlook for stocks one the Iran war is over]

Oh, Trump’s preferred Republican candidate lost. Trump won the district by 11 percentage points in 2024, but Democrat Emily Gregory beat Trump’s guy by 2.4 points, for a 13-point swing away from Trump in his own voting district. Gregory ran on affordability and vows to do something about $4 gas (caused by Trump’s war!).

Back of the line. Delta Air Lines suspended a VIP program for members of Congress due to the obscene congressional funding impasse for TSA agents that has snarled airports across the country. The VIP service includes airport escorts, expedited screening, a dedicated customer-service line and other perks.

Once Congress finally gets around to paying TSA agents, here’s the new special program Delta and all the airlines should institute for members of Congress: Last boarding group, middle seats only, no carry-on bags, and special seating areas in the terminal where other passengers can throw fruit at them. If they want to complain, let them mail a letter to company HQ.

My fellow Americans, our country is a mess. Here’s a cartoon to make you feel better:

You can order cartoons by this artist👆 or merch featuring the cartoons at CartoonStock. And you should!

^{~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~}

This stuff actually happened:

Our new oil BFF. The US-Iran war is turning into a boon for one Middle East oil exporter. And it’s Iran! First, Iran has been the only Persian Gulf nation able to freely ship oil through the Strait of Hormuz, which is effectively closed to most other shipments because of Iranian threats to sink ships. But Iran won’t sink its own ships, and apparently they’re sailing right on through. Bonus: The war has pushed oil prices up by about 35%, to around $100 per barrel, so Iran is earning a windfall.

When Trump mounted his takeover of Venezuela a few months ago, he sent the US Navy and Coast Guard to interdict at least 10 Venezuelan oil tankers, seizing their oil and selling it. But no US ships are bothering the Iranian tankers. Iran is a lot farther away than Venezuela and there may be a shortage of naval assets, especially since Iran has warships of its own that could put up resistance. But it’s also clear that Trump is not willing to interfere any more than he already has with global oil supplies. If he blocked Iranian oil from getting to market, the supply crunch would get even worse and prices might hit $110 per barrel, $120, or higher.

Trump is so desperate for Iranian oil that he may even ease US sanctions he imposed during his first presidential term, making it easier for Iran to sell some oil and possibly lowering prices a tad. Iran is adept at evading sanctions, and sells most of its oil to China, which doesn’t enforce US sanctions. But Trump may be trying to jawbone prices down a notch anyway, as US gasoline prices soar toward $4 per gallon.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent wants us to think it’s all part of the plan. “We will be using the Iranian barrels against the Iranians to keep the price down for the next 10 or 14 days,” Bessent said on March 19. Wow, trippy. Trump is either playing three-dimensional geopolitics here, or scamming us with oil slickery. Gee, I wonder which.

It’s an economic truism that more oil on the global market will lower prices, no matter where it comes from. But Trump and his advisers are improvising to cover up how badly they prepared for the consequences of going to war with Iran. Thousands of experts of every political persuasion have war-gamed an Iran conflict for decades, and could have told Trump, Bessent and the punkish Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth what a mess they were about to create. The Trumpers thought they knew better and are now coming up with one laughable story after another to excuse their incompetence.

Little Marco’s oversized shoes. The Wall Street Journal broke a fun story on March 9 about how Trump likes to hand out Florsheim dress shoes to the men on his team, which might seem endearing if it were any other president. But everything with Trump seems to have a perverse angle. After the story broke, somebody photographed Secretary of State Marco Rubio at the US Capitol wearing a pair of black Florsheims that seemed a couple of sizes too big. The supposition is that Trump gave Rubio the wrong size, but in his obsequiousness to Trump, “Little Marco,” as Trump once belittled him, wore them anyway, afraid to disappoint the boss. It recalls the “boar on the floor” scene in Succession, in which billionaire Logan Roy flexes by debasing just about everybody in attendance at a company retreat, with virtually no resistance.

CNN Style interviewed some footwear experts to get to the bottom of the Rubio shoe situation, where they found … soles. (Sorry.) But CNN did helpfully explain that the old saw about the size of a man’s feet reflecting the size his penis is a myth, even though the erudite Trump likes to say, “you can tell a lot about a man by his shoe size.” Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

One question for the dignified Secretary of State: Why didn’t you just have an aide buy the same pair of Florsheims in the right size? There’s a Nordstrom Rack, Jos. A Bank and Macy’s within a mile or so of State Dept. headquarters at Foggy Bottom, and they all sell Florsheims. Somebody could get there and back in an hour on the Metro and spare you another embarrassment at Trump’s hands.

Call me, Marco, if you need any other fashion advice.😉

Banksy unmasked. 😟 The Reuters news agency says it has determined the identity of Banksy, the provocative street artist who has satirized pomposity in black, white and red stencils on building walls in cities all around the world. Banksy has been drawing his murals, more or less illegally, since around 2000, and they’ve become world famous. So it’s probably surprising he stayed anonymous as long as he did.

Still, if an editor assigned me to do the investigation to unmask Banksy, I don’t think I could do it. I first learned about Banksy when I was lucky enough to tag along on a tour of some Banksy images in London several years ago. His subversiveness and caustic humor made me an instant fan. Anonymity gave Banksy a mythlike quality, like there was a cosmic conscience that would arise out of nowhere from time to time to skewer humanity’s arrogance.

I visited New Orleans in 2019 and was delighted to come across a Banksy while going for a run. I didn’t know Banksy had been in New Orleans. Turns out he made more than a dozen stencils there in 2008, three years after Hurricane Katrina devastated much of the city. The mural below, known as Umbrella Girl, was on the side of a building on N. Rampart Street, intersecting Kerlerec, when I stumbled upon it. The owner of the building removed the mural in 2024 and is reportedly restoring and preserving it.

Churchill canceled. The Bank of England says it plans to update the nation’s currency notes and replace the visages of historical figures with wildlife. Notes currently being printed have an image of King Charles on one side, plus wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill on the £5 note, author Jane Austen on the £10, artist J.M.W. Turner on the £20, and the brilliant mathematician and World War II codebreaker Alan Turing on the £50. King Charles will remain, but options for the new images include no people. Instead, the contenders are native species such as otters, badgers, puffins, red squirrels and hedgehogs.

The BOE says the animal images—including elaborate depictions of their habitat—will help deter counterfeiting and fraud. And it released survey data showing that nearly 60% of respondents voted for nature images on the currency, with fewer than 40% going for historical figures.

But some Brits think the BOE has gone mad. “England’s new badger banknotes tell a dismal story of national decline,” the Telegraph newspaper declared. Both liberal and conservative politicians have bashed the move.

The BOE says it will run another “consultation” this summer, to identify the exact forms of wildlife to be on the banknotes. One wonders if Badger McBadgerface will be in the running. He’s a descendent of Boaty McBoatface, who was the surprise winner in a 2016 naming competition held by UK’s National Oceanography Centre. Careful what you ask for, BOE.

César Chávez was a pedophile. The famed union-rights leader and farmworker hero raped at least two underage women, and possibly many more, according to a lacerating New York Times investigation. Chavez died in 1993 at the age of 66, but two victims who are now in their 60s documented the abuse to the Times. They said Chavez started fondling them when they were around 12 or 13 and had sex with them a couple of years later, while they were both still minors. Chavez also raped Dolores Huerta, who worked with Chavez and became a notable labor activist in her own right. “He used some of his great leadership to abuse women and children,” Huerta, who is now 95, told the Times.

There are at least 130 streets, parks, monuments, community centers and other types of things named after Chavez in the United States. Officials are rushing to rename them. Maybe they should be called “Badger Park” or “Hedgehog Park,” to assure the next honoree doesn’t also turn out to be a sex offender or some other type of creep. I don’t mean to convert anybody to my grim view of humanity, but for all the fallen heroes there are, why do we bother with having heroes at all?

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Mean-photo ban. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, who calls himself “Secretary of War,” banned journalistic photographers from Pentagon briefings because his staff felt they took unflattering photos, according to the Washington Post. Hegseth gets worked up sometimes and good photographers capture everything, and it would be unseemly for the man leading President Trump’s war on Iran to be seen frothing or foaming at the podium. So only official government photographers are allowed at Pentagon briefings now, and they’ll only publish polished glamor shots. This comes after Hegseth banned most real media organizations from the Pentagon, only allowing friendly right-wing outlets.

This careful control of the media explains why all the Iran war coverage has been glowing and optimistic, with everything going exactly how Trump and his brilliant war counsel scripted it. The glorious war is practically over, with no disruption to anybody other than Iran’s bloodthirsty despots. Democracy will soon thrive in Iran and nobody will ever again mention Trump’s connection to Jeffrey Epstein. Attaboy, Pete!

Some media outlets filled out the story by publishing unflattering photos of Hegseth, providing important context for why candid shots might make Hegseth antsy. I asked Gemini what an unflattering photo of Hegseth might look like, if anybody was allowed to take it. Gemini offered this:

Higher oil prices, please! On March 12, Trump pointed out that Americans are about to enjoy a huge windfall thanks to the higher oil prices his Iran war has caused. “The United States is the largest oil producer in the world, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money,” Trump said on social media.

Trump is obviously referring to Americans who hold shares in oil companies such as ExxonMobil and Chevron, who do benefit when oil prices rise, because they sell their product for more and bank more profits. Exxon stock is up 26% this year, while the overall market is down slightly. If you don’t own Exxon stock, then you are not a patriotic American and you won’t make any money from the Iran war. Too bad.

Everybody who does own Exxon, please tell us: How are you planning to spend your war bounty?

Cowardly captains. The real reason oil prices are spiking is oil tanker captains are cowards with no sense of adventure. “These ships should go through the Strait of Hormuz, and show some guts,” Trump said on Fox News on March 9. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Trump said US and Israeli forces have destroyed the majority of Iran’s missiles and drones, so what was there to worry about?

Iran has only attacked 16 ships in the Persian Gulf since the war began, which suggests the odds of getting blown up if you try to drive a tanker past Iran are, I dunno, less than 100%? Feel lucky, punk? Trump himself would no doubt blast right through the Iranian fire in one of his superhero getups if he were helming a ship.

This ship, meanwhile, was reportedly struck by Iran near the Iraqi shoreline in the western gulf, which means it wasn’t trying to run the strait, it was just waiting out the hostilities. The flames don’t seem that big, nothing a gutsy captain couldn’t contend with:

Ghost ship. On March 9, Energy Secretary Chris Wright said on social media that “the U.S. Navy successfully escorted an oil tanker through the Strait of Hormuz,” causing a huge celebration in oil markets. Prices dropped about $15 per barrel right away, as traders assumed the US Navy had sailed to the rescue and reopened the strait to tanker traffic.

But Wright’s post disappeared and the White House said, nope, we don’t know of any navy escorts. Oil prices went right back up. The Energy Dept. blamed a staffer who “incorrectly captioned” Wright’s post. It’s always the staffers! If not for the staffers, the Iran war would be going swimmingly.

Geezer keeps going. Democratic Rep. Jim Clyburn, who’s 85, said he will run for another House term this year. Why not. At least four members of Congress are older, including 92-year-old Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa. The olds have done a great job running the country lo these last 25 years, so everybody would benefit if they just stayed forever. Younger people don’t really need to step in, AI will just do their jobs, anyway.

Famed magician disappears. David Copperfield is ending his 25-year stint at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas after revelations that—can you guess? Yup. Epstein buddy. Documents released by the Justice Dept. say there was a “clear connection” between the two, and worse. One FBI report says Copperfield “trained his employees to identify young females (teens to early twenties) in the audience of his shows.” These women were “separated from their boyfriends, families and husbands and brought backstage … there were allegations that he drugged some of the females.” There have been other, similar allegations against the magician, which Copperfield has disputed. But Epstein is the kiss of death. Still, a hopeful Copperfield said in a statement, “I’m excited to announce what’s next soon thereafter. It’s the largest project I’ve ever tackled.” That sounds like an apt description for rehabilitating yourself from the Epstein curse.

Where are your clothes? The “naked dress” is an official fashion trend, as documented by the New York Times. Famous people including Jennifer Lawrence, Chappell Roan, Karol G, Li Jun Li, and that crazy woman who hangs out with Kanye West have recently sported naked dresses out in public, since that is where it’s most comfortable to be naked. (Disclaimer: I’m not even sure who all those people are.) Purists will tell you that the naked dress has been around for centuries, but maybe what’s old is new again.

If you’re a guy and your date wears a naked dress, are you supposed to wear a naked suit? As a divorced guy in the dating world, this question has been nagging me. I googled it, and it turns out the only naked suits seem to be gag costumes like you might wear to a Halloween party. Women get to have all the fun. Thank god.

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“Here’s our bombing address.” This has gotten a lot of attention, but it’s worth highlighting that with American forces bearing down on them and President Trump telegraphing an imminent attack, Iran’s leadership met on February 28 for an above-ground meeting at a regularly used government building that was probably one of the Pentagon’s top Iranian targets. It’s almost like they volunteered for regime change.

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei knew that Israel’s spy service, the Mossad, had thoroughly infiltrated his government, evidenced over the years by numerous assassinations of key Iranian officials. Trump had arrayed the largest US armada in the Persian Gulf region in at least 20 years. Yet Khamenei and his top aides went about business as usual, and they’re now mostly dead. If they had just flipped on CNN, they might have gotten the hint that they should be a little more careful.

Maybe they read the Pinpoint Press and saw my January 30 prediction that Trump was not going to attack Iran. I based that on Trump’s pattern up to that point, which was to foment a crisis then announce a last-minute deal that averted the worst-case outcome. But we have a new Trump, now, one who is willing to drive the stunt car off the cliff and hope the parachute deploys. I thought I had Trump’s M.O figured out, but I must have given my AI tool the wrong inputs. So did a lot of others.

[More: How Trump gets out of his Iran war]

Putin to the rescue. Russian President Vladimir Putin is offering himself as a mediator able to bring peace to the Middle East, as he has done so successfully in Ukraine. Putin called the leaders of at least four Gulf nations Iran has attacked, to emphasize “the need to urgently resolve the conflict through diplomatic means,” according to the Institute for the Study of War. Putin probably had his fingers crossed behind his back when he said that. Putin has personally started at least three wars that have killed millions of people, including the “special military operation” in Ukraine that began in 2022 and is the largest European war since World War II. If you ever invite Putin to a party, don’t be surprised if he hijacks your house and then moves on to your neighbor’s.

It’s all Zelensky’s fault. On March 2, Trump wrote a social media post calling Ukrainian Volodymyr Zelensky “the P.T. Barnum of Ukraine.” Trump appeared angry that the United States under President Joe Biden gave Ukraine a lot of weapons Trump wishes he had to available to use against Iran. Barnum, for what it’s worth, was a successful businessman and showman extraordinaire who supposedly said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” One would think Trump admires that kind of record.

Noem more. Trump fired Dept. of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem after a year in which she proved to be profoundly incompetent. Axios has this list of Noem’s top five controversies. A sixth is that she said during a March 4 Congressional hearing that Trump personally approved a $220 ad campaign, funded by you and me, to improve her personal image. The new DHS Secretary is Markwayne Mullin, the only member of Congress with two first names rolled into one.

Noem will become special envoy to “The Shield of the Americas.” If anybody knows what that is, please explain. She seems happy, though. In a social media post, she thanked Trump for the demotion and said she’s looking forward to blah blah blah.

Diligent readers will recall that on February 17, I placed a $10 bet on Kalshi that Noem would be gone by May 31. The odds at the time were just 23%. My $10 bet will pay out $41. I also guessed right with my Kalshi bet that three Supreme Court justices would dissent from the decision to overturn Trump’s emergency tariffs. That $10 bet paid out $30. I guessed wrong when I said Trump’s State of the Union speech would not include the word “ICE.” I lost $10 on that one.

[More: Why I started gambling on the news]

The new worst Trump Cabinet secretary. With Noem gone, Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer is now winning the race for worst Cabinet official in Trump’s government. The list of scandals involving the former representative from Oregon includes accusations of: Drinking on the job from a stash she keeps in her office, having an affair with a member of her security detail, taking staffers to a strip club while on an official trip, and using taxpayer funds to finance a birthday party and personal trips. Oh, her husband has also been accused of groping two women at Labor Dept. headquarters in Washington, DC, and he’s barred from the building. The Labor Dept. inspector general is investigating, but in Trump’s government, the only real sin is embarrassing Trump himself. He may not even know who his Labor secretary is.

AK Guy v. Sexy Pic Guy. Republican Rep. Tony Gonzales of Texas finally admitted he had an affair with a former aide who killed herself last year at the age of 35. That means he’s probably toast. Gonzales was defiant after the recent revelation of a text exchange with the aide in which he asked for a “sexy pic” and inquired about her “favorite position,” as we explained last week. Now that Gonzales has admitted the obvious, House leaders are calling for him to resign, which he probably will.

In the March 3 primary election, neither Gonzales nor his opponent, Brandon Herrera, won 50%, sending the race to a runoff. Herrera is a gun nut who calls himself “AK guy” and is far more conservative than Gonzales. So if Gonzales drops out and AK Guy ends up as the Republican candidate, Democrats might have a chance of flipping the district, which is conservative but not excessively Trumpy. The Democratic candidate is Katy Padilla Stout, a lawyer and former teacher you can barely find on the Internet. That will change if this becomes a legit flip opportunity for Dems.

Autopen absolved. Everybody can breathe a huge sigh of relief now that Joe Biden’s autopen has escaped prosecution. Trump’s Justice Dept. tried to prosecute Biden for using an autopen to sign presidential documents and preserving his arm strength for salutes and the like. But Trump’s autopen police couldn’t find a crime and the New York Times recently reported that the Justice Dept. has shelved the case. Nobody is clamoring for Trump to release the autopen files, and Congress plans no hearings. So autopengate is probably over.

Trump has a consolation prize: A portrait of an autopen hangs in a White House gallery of presidents in the spot where Biden would otherwise be. One wonders what the next Democratic president might hang in lieu of Trump’s portrait.

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